


What Made Me Fall in Love With You

by aleia



Series: To Fall In Love With You [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e10 Christmas Spirit, Family Feels, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23266021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: I watched 9-1-1 03x11 and just had to write this. It starts at the end of 03x10 so it doesn’t actually spoil episode 11, but it will eventually unless I don’t get that far. As far as I'm concerned, it's canon compliant up to episode 11 and no one can convince me otherwise.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: To Fall In Love With You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002645
Comments: 163
Kudos: 613





	1. Chapter 1

It’s not a surprise when the alarm rings while the Christmas party is still going on. They all know that they’re lucky they even got through dinner. It _is_ a surprise that there’s a few stragglers when they get back to the firehouse. Athena said she’d pack up the leftovers and do a little cleaning, so Buck’s expecting to see her. He’s not expecting Christopher to still be there with Eddie’s family. Christopher sees him first.

“Buck!”

“Hey buddy. What’re you still doing here?” Buck bends down and picks him up when Christopher latches onto his neck.

“I didn’t say thank you.”

“You said thank you for your presents.” Christopher is always a polite kid, but his excitement guaranteed he’d repeated the words over and over again when he realized how much Buck went overboard on his presents.

“No,” Christopher says as Eddie joins them. “Thank you for making sure I got to see you and Dad for Christmas.”

“You’re welcome. I know how much you wanted to be with your dad.”

“My dad _and_ you,” Christopher says.

Buck hugs Christopher tighter. He should hand him off to Eddie. One day, Eddie’s going to start dating again, and Eddie would never be with anyone who doesn’t love Chris, so she’ll be great, and Buck will need to give them space. He’s just lucky that Eddie hasn’t pushed him away yet.

“Okay, buddy. It’s time for you to go home and go to bed. Buck and I have to go to bed, too,” Eddie says and Buck hands Christopher to Eddie so he can hug his son.

“Can I call when I’m going to bed?” Christopher asks as Eddie’s putting him down.

“Of course. I’m sorry if I can’t answer because I’m on a call, but I’ll try.”

Christopher nods, demands a second hug from Buck, and then lets his family take him away.

“We should shower while we can,” Eddie suggests.

Buck nods and starts toward the locker room with him.

“Oh boys!” Hen yells down at them from the dining area. Buck looks up at her and she points to a beam where someone has hung a sprig of mistletoe. If they were in any other place, Buck would wonder how it got there, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of ladders. Hen laughs, but she turns and walks away instead of making sure they follow tradition.

Buck should roll his eyes and laugh it off. But he can’t help himself, so he settles for turning his head to offer his cheek like he did with Karen. Eddie doesn’t laugh and shove him away. He doesn’t give Buck a peck as a joke either. He puts his hand on Buck’s other cheek and looks him in the eye before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Buck’s cheek gently.

“Thank you for Christmas,” Eddie whispers way too close to Buck’s lips for it to be nothing.

Eddie starts to walk past him, but Buck grabs his arm and pulls him back before he can think too hard about it. (No one has ever accused Buck of thinking too hard about anything. He’s already spent more time thinking about his feelings for Eddie than anyone would ever believe.) When he kisses Eddie, it only takes a split second for Eddie to respond, kissing him back and pulling him closer. Eddie’s kiss is deep and purposeful. His hands are on Buck’s face. There’s nothing rough about it, but they’re both still breathing hard when Eddie pulls away.

“We shouldn’t do this here,” Eddie says because he’s the one them who isn’t impulsive. That’s Buck’s job.

“Yeah. Right,” Buck agrees.

“Showers, then we call Chris, then we talk, yeah?” Eddie says. He waits for Buck’s nod, kisses him again quickly and walks past him.

Buck 1.0 definitely would’ve just followed Eddie into one of the showers and pushed. Buck 2.0 noticed that Eddie said, “ _we_ need to call Chris,” and Buck isn’t going to miss that phone call if he’s invited.

Buck showers quickly, gets dressed in a T-shirt and sweats, and waits for Eddie in the empty lounge. Talking to Christopher after the coming back to the firehouse means that everyone else is already in their bunks and that’s just fine as far as Buck’s concerned.

Eddie sits down next to him with his phone and hits Facetime. Christopher must have been waiting, because he’s in bed when he answers. Eddie goes through the routine Buck’s heard a few times. Asking that Christopher got a bath and brushed his teeth. It’s adorable.

“Good night mijo. I’ll see you in the morning and we’ll have pancakes,” Eddie says and looks over at Buck. “Maybe if we ask nicely and you go to sleep for Pepa, Buck will come have pancakes with us.”

“Please Buck!” Christopher says.

“Sure. But you have to go to sleep now,” Buck says.

“I’m going to sleep! Goodnight Dad! Goodnight Buck!”

He and Eddie say their goodnights and Christopher makes a show of closing his eyes and pulling up the covers before Pepa hangs up the phone.

“So…” Eddie says.

“You kissed me back,” Buck says mostly to remind himself and keep himself from freaking out.

“Yeah,” Eddie says with a smile. “I did. But you started it, so I figured you were into it.”

“Please. You started it with that kiss on the cheek. That was not how you kiss your best friend on the cheek.” It wasn’t. Buck didn’t imagine it.

“It wasn’t,” Eddie admits. “I was hoping you’d notice because every time I think you’re interested and you’re going to make a move, you don’t. Or you didn’t. Until now.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to!”

“Hen says I stare at you like I want to marry you and the only reason I haven’t told you is because I’m hoping you’ll just move in and not notice we’re practically married already.”

“I thought you were straight,” Buck says because he’s noticed the looks but never believed them until that kiss. If he’d believed Eddie wanted him, then even being Buck 2.0 wouldn’t have stopped him from going for it. Hell, he went for it the second he got a clue.

“I thought _you_ were straight,” Eddie says.

“Well I am glad we’re both wrong, but I am the dumb one in this relationship, so this is your fault.”

Eddie laughs. “So, this is a relationship?”

“I meant relationship in the broad term,” Buck says.

“I didn’t. Buck, Christopher loves you. I can’t half-ass this. There’s no waiting until it’s serious to introduce Chris.”

“That’s good. I was lying. If you date other people now, I’m going to cry and tell Athena you broke my heart. She’s tough, but she totally loves me more,” Buck says. He means it both because of and regardless of Christopher. “And I’m bi. Buck 1.0 was equal opportunity. Buck 2.0 is also.”

“Good to know. So…boyfriends even though this is the worst timing ever because we have to go upstairs and sleep in different beds?”

“Boyfriends,” Buck confirms. They do have to go to sleep or they’ll regret it, so he gets up and pulls Eddie up after him. They have to go to sleep, but kissing Eddie one more time won’t hurt anything.

“If you were wondering, I’m not even sure I’m bi. I loved Shannon. I really did. But something was off. I think that’s why I didn’t really want her back,” Eddie says. He’s behind Buck, but Buck doesn’t need to see his face when he can hear the guilt in Eddie’s voice.

“I know you loved her,” Buck says, stopping and turning around so they can look at each other. “If you’re gay, it doesn’t mean you didn’t love her. Things don’t have to be that black and white.”

Buck wraps Eddie in a hug. It’s what he should have been doing when he was selfishly pushing the lawsuit while Eddie was grieving. The way Eddie sinks into the hug and stays there for a moment even though they need to get to bed makes Buck note to make sure that he makes these hugs happen more often. When he pulls back, Buck links their hands and Eddie doesn’t pull away.

“We should talk about this more tomorrow. Christopher is going to be ecstatic, but as much as I love you, we can’t get married tomorrow and that’s what Christopher is going to want. He already doesn’t understand why you can’t adopt him if we’re not together like that, so this is only going to make it worse,” Eddie’s already walking away and pulling Buck after him when he finishes talking. He probably didn’t think about what he said. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve casually used the words.

“I love you, too,” Buck says. “Just in case you wanted to be sure.”

Eddie stops and looks back at Buck.

“I blame my exhaustion for not realizing what I was saying. But I meant it.”

Buck kisses his forehead. “It’s okay. I still love Christopher more than you.”

Eddie looks up at him.

“I know. That’s what made me fall in love with you.”


	2. Chapter 2

It’s only habit that helps Buck fall asleep almost as soon as he crawls into his bunk. He knows better than to take the time for granted and he’s right. They get woken up four hours later because a family drank too much during their celebration and started arguments that escalated. It’s nothing serious at least. Just cuts, bruises, and the on-duty cop threatening to arrest all of them. They get another call for a drunk driving accident which always pisses Buck off, but again it’s over quickly. They get back to the firehouse with enough time for a few more hours of sleep.

“So,” Eddie says when they’re walking to their cars. “Chris will sleep late so I don’t have to pick him up just yet. You have clothes at my house already…”

“Works for me.”

Buck wants to slam Eddie against the door as soon as they’re in his apartment, but he knows they can’t think like that. They have to pick up Christopher and they need to decide what they’re telling him, so Buck follows easily when Eddie takes his hand and pulls him to the couch.

“I want to tell him,” Eddie says. “We have to tell him. He’ll figure it out anyway and be upset that we weren’t honest. But he’s going to want everything to happen so fast. He’s going to jump straight to asking when we’re getting married and when you’re adopting him officially. Obviously, we aren’t going to move that fast, but I have to warn you that he’s going to push.”

“I’m not going to freak out,” Buck says. “I mean, I’m not saying we should do that, but I know Christopher. We already jumped immediately to being boyfriends after a few kisses and I’m all for that, but that’s enough for the first day, I think.”

Eddie laughs.

“Good. So, we’re on the same page with telling him that we’re just going to start there.”

“Totally.”

Eddie leans his head on Buck’s shoulder and sighs.

“You okay? Are you the one freaking out?” Buck asks.

“No. Sort of. But not really,” Eddie says without picking up his head.

“I have no idea what that means, so I don’t know where to start.”

“It’s just that I’ve thought so much about how it would be when I started dating again. How I’d explain it to Christopher. How sure I’d have to be before I could introduce someone. What I’d need make sure we agreed on when it came to parenting. But Hen wasn’t wrong. We already co-parent when you’re here. You already do everything as well as anyone could. So, I’m just wondering if it’s because you’re following my lead because he’s my kid or you’re just that in sync with me? And I know that’s already so much when it hasn’t even been a day, but it’s my kid and I know how excited he’s going to be, so I have to think like this. Or maybe I don’t _have_ to, but I can’t help it.”

Buck shifts so he can wrap his arm around Eddie and pull him closer.

“Well. I do follow your lead, but that doesn’t mean we’re not in sync. Eddie, Christopher is an amazing kid, so you’ve obviously done a lot of things right. And I get exactly why it’s important. I love him. If this doesn’t work, I’m still going to want to see him. I swear to you, I won’t make that mistake again. But I promised that in my head that day at the grocery store when you told me that he missed me. I should’ve never let that happen. I should’ve worked something out so I could see him.”

“I know. And I should’ve at least reached out to you for him because I knew that. But we were both kind of messed up. I’m over that. This isn’t about that.”

Buck nods.

“I just feel like this is too easy,” Eddie says.

Buck laughs.

“How is this easy? I got crushed by a truck. I almost lost Christopher in a fucking tsunami. You were beating people up for money while I had a lawsuit against the city. We yelled at each other in a grocery store in front of everyone. I thought you were never going to be my best friend again and we put Chris through all of it for no good reason.”

“Well, when you put it that way.” Eddie’s lips turn up in a smile.

“Exactly.”

“So, you want to go get Chris?”

“Yes. You promised me pancakes and if you think I’m going to be less demanding about it because you’re my boyfriend, you’re very wrong. You can make one thing. I know this is trick so you can get credit and make me cook for you.”

***

Eddie texts his aunt that they’re on the way, so Christopher is ready when they arrive. He’s still sleepy, so Eddie carries him to the car and gets him buckled in. He’s asleep again by the time they’re home.

“You can get him if you want,” Eddie says when they’re home.

Christopher doesn’t wake up when Buck unbuckles him and picks him up to carry him in. Eddie holds the door open so Buck can come through and then get him settled on the couch. When he stands up, Eddie is standing in the kitchen watching them.

“What?” Bucks asks he walks over to Eddie.

“You make it really hard to be the responsible one,” Eddie says.

“What does that even mean?”

When Buck gets close enough, Eddie grabs his elbow and pulls him in.

“You’re so good with him. You’re going to make me as bad as Christopher,” Eddie says as he wraps his arms around Buck’s waist.

“So, what you’re saying is that we need to tell Bobby or Maddie about this because _I’m_ not going to be the responsible one. Ask either one of them.”

Eddie laughs and tilts his head up for a kiss. Buck knows it can’t go anywhere and that’s almost better. Of course, Buck wants to get Eddie in bed, but Buck also wants to enjoy being happy about getting to kiss him. He wants to enjoy the way Eddie’s hands move up his back and the way Eddie pulls back in between kisses just to smile at him. Buck is so in love that if Eddie asked him, he’d put Christopher back in the truck and drive to Vegas.

“I knew Santa didn’t forget me!” Christopher yells behind them. Eddie breaks the kiss with a laugh and buries his head in Buck’s chest.

“Santa would never forget you,” Buck says as he cradles the back of Eddie’s head and smiles at Christopher over his head.

“Dad said Santa couldn’t do anything about it,” Christopher says.

“Yes, well, your dad did something about it himself. Santa’s magic probably helped though,” Buck says because Eddie seems to need time to collect himself.

Eddie pulls away while Christopher starts to walk to them. He meets Chris half-way and kneels down in front of him.

“We were going to tell you today, buddy. We just figured this out after you left last night.”

“It was still Christmas,” Christopher says. “It still counts.”

Eddie laughs and picks him up in a hug.

“Yeah, buddy. It still counts. Thanks for asking Santa for me.”

“You’re welcome,” Christopher says like it’s nothing.

“Are you ready for pancakes?” Buck asks. “Because I remember your dad promising us pancakes.”

“Right,” Eddie says. He kicks a chair out from the table so he can set Christopher in it. “How about you entertain Buck for me so I can work on the pancakes?”

“Can you be my other dad now?” Christopher asks as soon as Buck sits next to him. Eddie doesn’t come to save him even though he’s obviously listening when Buck looks over at him.

“Buddy, that’s something that we can’t decide without more time. But I love you and I’m going to be there for you no matter what, okay? Your dad and I agreed on that.” Buck’s glad that Eddie warned him, but he didn’t believe Christopher would really ask until it happened.

Christopher nods.

“I don’t want you to go away again,” Christopher says without looking at him.

Buck knows Eddie will come save him if he needs it, but he’s the one who disappointed Christopher. They never addressed it because Christopher was just so happy to see him again that it didn’t seem worth it to bring it up.

“I’m not going to go away again,” Buck says. “I’m really sorry I did that. It wasn’t about you, but your dad and I talked about it and that’s not going to happen again. No matter what happens with me and your dad, I’m still going to be there for you, okay? You’re stuck with me.”

Christopher nods.

“Okay. So, then you’re my other dad even if you don’t marry Dad.”

Seriously. This is what Eddie means when he says having a kid means never getting any breaks.

“Mijo. How about we start with pancakes and remember what Buck just told you about taking our time?” Eddie calls over this shoulder.

Christopher doesn’t hide his disappointment, but he mumbles a “yes, Dad.”

Eddie sets a pile of strawberries in front of Buck and holds out a knife.

“Cut these for me? And watch out for this one,” Eddie says and points at Christopher. “He likes to steal them when you’re not looking.”

Chris giggles and steals a blueberry from the other bowl. Eddie pretends not to see it and winks at Buck.

After they’ve eaten and he’s sent Christopher to clean the syrup off his face and hands, Eddie kisses his cheek.

“He’s okay. I told you he’d push, but he’ll be okay,” Eddie says. “I promise. He’s started this with me months ago.”

“Really?” Buck can’t help but smile.

“I thought you were straight,” Eddie says. “Christopher said you loved me though.”

“He’s a smart guy.”

***

“Second thoughts yet?” Eddie asks after they’ve put Christopher to bed and opened beers.

“I’ve spent a whole day with you guys before,” Buck says. “I knew what I was getting into.”

“It’s a little different after he’s declared that you’re going to be his second dad.”

“Eddie, do you really think _Christopher_ is going to scare me away from this?” Buck asks. At this point he’s starting to wonder if Eddie’s having second thoughts. “Or do you not really trust me with him?”

“No, Buck, of course not,” Eddie says but he’s not looking at Buck anymore.

“Are _you_ having second thoughts?” Buck’s not sure what he’s going to do if Eddie’s changed his mind.

“No, no. I’m just the still freaking out apparently,” Eddie says. When he looks at Buck, he looks so scared that Buck has to wrap him in a hug.

“It’s just that every time I think I’m getting what I want, somehow I lose it,” Eddie says into his neck.

“Hey. You’re not losing me. No way,” Buck says, rubbing over his back. “You know why I have to tell Maddie and Bobby? I’m more responsible around you because I have to be for Christopher, so I’m not sure you have an accurate idea of how impulsive I am. But they know. We’re off work tomorrow, too. If you ask me, I’ll totally agree to take Christopher and elope tomorrow.”

Eddie’s breath is hot on Buck’s neck when he laughs.

“I’d say Bobby has no right to stop anyone from eloping, but I think when it comes to you, he won’t listen to logic,” Eddie says.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Buck says. “I’m in. I’m all in. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Does everyone else know you’re into guys? Do you even know if Bobby will let us keep working together if we tell him?”

“Right. Okay. We should sit.”

“How are you so calm?” Eddie asks as Buck leads him to the couch. “You’re making me look bad.”

“It’s that extra year on the squad I have on you. You just forgot because no one hazed you.”

“I’m still mad they did that to you.”

Buck has to stop him because they’ve been over this too many times.

“I know. But let’s stay on topic. First, to answer your questions. I’m not really sure who knows. Maddie knows for sure so Chim might know. I’ve never really made it a secret and I was definitely hooking up with guys when I went through my hook-up phase, but people see what they want. I decided a while ago that I wasn’t going to come out anymore. I was just going to do my thing and if people got surprised, then that was their problem. Of course, I now see that I should’ve at least made sure you knew I was bi, but we’ve fixed that now.”

“Sorry I assumed,” Eddie says.

“Same? Plus, if I’d told Hen about me, then she would’ve told you obviously. Either way, we got that fixed.” Buck bumps their shoulders before continuing. “As for Bobby, we have to tell him, but it’s not a problem for us to keep working together for now. There was a couple before you came to the house, so I know the answer to that problem.”

“It’s fine for now?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, that’s kind of up to you, I guess. They’ll transfer one of us if things change and I’m Christopher’s next of kin. They want to make it less likely that we both die on him.” Buck knows it’s a good reason. He’s not even really Christopher’s dad yet and he doesn’t want to do that to him.

“I want that. Eventually, I mean. It makes sense. But I don’t want to lose working next to you yet,” Eddie says. “I get why we should do it for Christopher, but when that truck was on you, it meant that I got to hold your hand and save your life. I want to be there.”

“I know. So, we can agree to tell Bobby not yet on that.”

“What do I have to do for you to not tell everyone that _I’m_ the one who freaked out?” Eddie asks. His tone is teasing, but Buck likes to think he learned something about being a good boyfriend from dating Abby. Though she said that he was just naturally good at it once he gave it a chance.

“I’m not going to tell them about you freaking out. You’re allowed to freak out. I’ll probably freak out next week and you can calm me down. I think I’m just so happy that I haven’t processed all the scary stuff. You’re used to doing that right away because you’ve had to think of Christopher first for so long and done so much of it by yourself. That’s okay.”

“People really don’t give you enough credit. Except Carla. She always says that—that people don’t give you enough credit.” Eddie uses their linked hands to pull Buck’s arm up and over his shoulders.

Buck smiles. He loves Carla. And she would know. She’s somehow managed to have a front row seat to both his relationships.

“We’re going to be okay,” Buck says. “We’re already good together. We’re just adding stuff to something that’s already been working since the day we met.”

“You hated me on sight.”

Buck laughs and kisses the top of Eddie’s head.

“You had your shirt on when we actually met. When I first _saw_ you, you were getting dressed and I had to try to cover up the fact that I was thirsting over the new guy.”

“Yeah?” Eddie looks up at him and grins.

Buck smooths his hand down Eddie’s shirt and pulls it up so he can run his fingers over Eddie’s abs. It’s not the first time he’s been able to touch, but it’s the first time he’s able to do it purposely. Eddie shivers under his touch.

“I hated that you didn’t like me. I wanted to impress you so much that I pulled a live grenade out of guy’s leg.” Eddie’s breath catches as Buck’s fingers travel up his chest. “It worked though, so it was worth it.”

“Should we move this to the bedroom?” Buck asks. “Save Chris some trauma?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie gets up and pulls Buck after him.

As soon as Eddie’s bedroom door closes, it’s like everything they’ve been holding back clicks into place. Buck pushes Eddie away so that he can get Eddie’s shirt off and toss aside his own.

“You’ve done this before, right?” Buck asks. Eddie’s said that he thinks he’s not really into women. That doesn’t mean he’s acted on it.

“Yeah. I’m good,” Eddie says as he turns them so he can push Buck on his bed.

“I mean, I wasn’t doubting that you’re good at it.”

Eddie laughs. He sits up so that he’s straddling Buck’s hips and pins his arms above his head.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Eddie keeps him pinned though Buck pretends to try and push him off.

“Come here,” Buck says because Eddie doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. He’s prepared for Eddie to make him wait, but instead Eddie holds his gaze and he lowers himself so they’re chest to chest. Eddie’s hands slide off his wrists to thread their fingers together. It feels more intimate than anything Buck’s ever done with another man. Maybe that’s because Buck’s history with sex is a lot more extensive than his history with relationships. Eddie kisses him like he’s someone special and important. Buck should want to get their pants off, but that would require pushing Eddie away and right now it’s not worth it even when Eddie’s thigh falls between his legs and presses down.

Of course, that doesn’t stop Buck from wrapping his legs around Eddie’s waist to pull him closer. It’s not enough space to do anything else, but it gets him some skin.

Eddie kisses down his neck and Buck _whines_. They have to be a little quiet even if Buck knows Chris isn’t a light sleeper.

“Pants?” Eddie asks. His breath is hot against Buck’s neck. Buck nods, but he doesn’t let go when Eddie tries to move.

Eddie chuckles and kisses under his chin.

“I can’t magic our pants off, Buck.”

Buck’s laugh releases enough his desperation that letting go isn’t impossible.

“Rude. You should work on that.”

“Noted.” Eddie smiles at him before moving away to strip away their pants and underwear.

Sex with Abby was good, but it was always serious once they got to it. Sex with Eddie is intensity mixed with the same laughter and teasing that they always have. Buck still wants him close, but he doesn’t think either of them is prepared for fucking tonight, so he reaches his hand between them when just pushing into each other doesn’t feel like enough. They’ve both worked up enough of a sweat for it to not be too dry and Eddie curses in both English and Spanish when Buck picks up the speed of his strokes. 

He’s close, but Buck is stubborn enough to hold back until Eddie comes over his fist. Eddie slips out of his grasp and latches onto his neck. Buck comes hard as Eddie bites down.

“I’m going to be so mad at you if you if that leaves a mark and everyone makes fun of me,” Buck says when he can think again and Eddie’s still lightly kissing the same spot.

“That might scare me if you didn’t obviously like it so much,” Eddie says, kissing the spot once more and then settling done with his head on Buck’s shoulder.

Buck ignores him and reaches over the bed to find something to wipe them off with.

“That’s my shirt,” Eddie says even though he doesn’t move to stop Buck from using it.

“You can wash it.” Buck tosses it in the direction of Eddie’s hamper and wiggles around to get the blanket on top of their legs. Eddie pushes off him and fixes the top sheet and comforter so it’s not a mess. But instead of settling, he gets up and pulls on pajama pants. He turns back to look at Buck as he walks to his dresser.

“Do you want shorts or pants?” Eddie asks.

“You’re against me sleeping nude?” Buck never took Eddie for a prude, but everyone has quirks.

“I’m against Chris waking up early and climbing on us when we’re naked.”

“Right. I should’ve thought that. Throw me some shorts.” Buck’s going to have to get better at remembering all the little things that come with having a kid around.

Eddie tosses him a loose pair of shorts and climbs into bed.

“You know I’m not testing you to make sure you can handle Christopher, right? I’m not knocking off a point because you forgot that we have to put on clothes,” Eddie says. “If there was a test, you passed it a long time ago.”

“You still have to get up to turn off the lights,” Buck says instead of answering. He knows Eddie’s telling the truth, but he still wants to do everything right with Christopher no matter how unrealistic that is.

“ _I_ have to turn off the lights?” Eddie asks.

“Well, you’re on top of me, so it might as well be you.”

Eddie shoves him, but instead of getting up, he just turns and says, “Alexa, turn off the lights.”

“That’s creepy. They’re recording your whole house,” Buck tells him.

“Still worth it,” Eddie says as he snuggles into Buck’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one wants angst because the world has enough angst so I'm writing fluff and cute little domestic stuff.


	3. Chapter 3

Buck wakes up because he’s being poked in the chest by a boney elbow.

“Dad. I’m hungry,” Christopher says while Buck tries to go back to sleep with a gangly nine-year-old sprawled over him.

“Mijo. It’s vacation. Why don’t you try to sleep some more? Let Buck sleep a little more, too.” Buck feels Eddie move away from him, and then the weight is lifted off of him as Eddie moves Christopher between them.

“Are you tired because you had a sleepover?” Christopher asks in what is supposed to be a whisper, but definitely isn’t.

“We’re tired because it’s early,” Eddie whispers. “Are you okay with Buck sleeping over?”

“Buck sleeps over a lot.”

It’s true. He’s lazy and he hates going back to his empty apartment.

“Are you okay with him sleeping over in my bed instead of the couch?”

Christopher doesn’t answer right away, and Buck’s heart starts to beat faster.

“If I say no because you’re not married, will you marry him faster?”

It takes every bit of willpower for Buck to stay still and not burst out laughing.

“We talked about that already Chris. You know that,” Eddie says, but Buck can hear the smile in his voice.

“I know,” Christopher says. “I’m okay with him sleeping here. It’ll probably help if he gets used to it.”

“So can we try to get some more sleep now?”

“Can I stay here with you and Buck like I did with you and Mommy?”

“Yeah, Buddy. Of course, you can.”

There’s rustling of the covers as Christopher settles between them and Eddie tucks him in. Buck’s still lying awake a few minutes later when Eddie whispers, “I know you’re awake.”

Buck turns on his side so he can face Eddie. Christopher is sleeping soundly between them.

“Does he do this often?” Buck asks in a whisper.

“Just when I really want to sleep late. He knows he’s not allowed to come in before seven unless something is wrong,” Eddie whispers before looking down at his son. “Sorry. I’ve never had anyone else except Shannon sleep over with him home, but I’m not surprised he did it with you here. He’s comfortable with you.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Buck gently reaches over Christopher to rest his hand on Eddie’s hip. He’s not sure he’ll be able to fall back asleep, but he’s comfortable with the two people he loves most in the world, so he has no desire to get up.

***

 **Buck:** Any chance Eddie and I can get you guys to come over for dinner?  
**Bobby:** Has Christopher learned to cook?  
**Buck:** Funny. We just need to talk to you about something and it’s rude to invite ourselves over for dinner. I know we could come in early for our shift, but then everyone will see us in your office and be weird.  
**Buck:** But if take-out isn’t good enough for you….  
**Bobby:** Should I be concerned?  
**Buck:** No. I’ve never done anything wrong in my entire life. 😇  
**Bobby:** Is that so?  
**Buck:** Maybe Christopher hasn’t?  
**Bobby:** Athena says come over. You guys are in charge of the dishes and if you cause trouble, she’s only feeding Christopher.  
**Buck:** Nothing is wrong!  
**Bobby:** 5pm? So that we can talk before dinner.  
**Buck:** We’ll be there. 😇 👼 😇

***

“Can I hide behind Christopher?” Eddie asks when they park in front of Bobby and Athena’s house.

“Please. They love you. They’re going to tell me not to mess it up. Bobby literally ordered me to get along with you, so he only has himself to blame.”

Buck gets Chris out of the truck and lets him get a head start. Just before Eddie rings the doorbell, Buck reaches out to take his hand. Eddie turns to look at him. Buck shrugs. It seems easiest to just get right to why they’re here.

Athena opens the door. Of course, _Athena_ opens the door. She looks at their joined hands and raises an eyebrow before greeting Christopher and telling him that May and Harry are in Harry’s room if he’d like to play with them before dinner. Eddie lifts Christopher down the stairs in their front hallway and then they’ve lost the ability to hide behind him.

“So, I’ve only seen Buck serious about one person before and she disappeared on him. You better not be planning on going anywhere,” Athena says to Eddie.

“Really? It’s Eddie,” Buck says. Athena ignores him.

“I heard about the fighting. You better _stay_ done with that. I’ll arrest you myself.”

“Yes mam. I’m done with that,” Eddie says. “I’ve been going to therapy every week like I’m supposed to.”

Athena looks him up and down, before nodding and shifting into a smile. “All right then, give me a hug before Bobby takes you away.”

Buck gets a hug first and then Eddie because she really does love Eddie and they all know it.

“We’re hugging? Do I want to know why we’re hugging?” Bobby asks as he comes into the living room from the direction of Harry’s room.

It was a lot easier when they just let Athena figure it out, and Buck knows Eddie’s nervous even if it’s for no reason, so he links their hands again and says, “We figured some stuff out.”

Bobby looks surprised, but he nods and turns to gesture to the living room. Eventually they’re settled with Buck and Eddie on the couch and Bobby on the loveseat.

“This is how new?” Bobby asks.

“Just since after the Christmas party,” Buck tells him. “I know we’re supposed to tell you if we’re dating someone else in the 118.”

Bobby nods.

“I wondered a bit, but I know it’s different for two guys and I didn’t want to ask.”

“Okay, but you knew I was bi, right?” Buck asks. Athena didn’t look surprised, but Athena doesn’t show emotion when she doesn’t want to.

“Yes, Buck. I knew you were bi. You didn’t make an effort to hide it when—” Bobby glances at Eddie and stops as if Buck hasn’t been obvious about his past. “Well, you never made an effort to hide it—not that anyone thought you should.”

“And no one thought to tell me?” Eddie asks. “Hen never specifically told me you were bi.”

“I may have been exaggerating,” Bobby says in that calming voice he gets that makes Buck wish Bobby was actually his dad. “He didn’t make a big deal about it, so I didn’t. And back then, well, his sexuality wasn’t what we were worried about with him.”

“Stop making me look bad in front of my boyfriend,” Buck says mostly to break the tension. Bobby laughs.

“So boyfriend is where you’re at,” Bobby says and then looks at Eddie to ask, “Did Buck explain to you that it’s not automatically an issue for you to work together?”

“Yeah, he said that eventually if things get more serious, that we’d need to be on different shifts or crews because of Christopher.”

Bobby nods.

“We’ll tell you when it’s time for that,” Eddie says. He says _when_ , not _if_. Buck can’t help smiling at him.

“As long as you can be professional at work, it’s not a problem,” Bobby looks at Buck when he says it and Buck groans.

“I will not do anything to get fired again. I promise.”

“You got _fired_?” Eddie turns to him and Buck looks away because he can feel himself blushing.

“How about we move back to the present? That was so long ago. We don’t need to tell that story. All that matters is that I got unfired.”

“You’re telling me later,” Eddie says while Bobby laughs at him.

“I’ll tell you later,” Buck agrees. “When Christopher’s not anywhere nearby. I need to preserve my image with my favorite person.”

***

“I should go home, right?” Buck asks after Eddie sends Christopher away to get ready for bed.

“I think you should just so we don’t confuse Chris too soon. I don’t want you to go, but…”

Buck nods. Chris is already so invested and that’s not a bad thing, but it’s only been a couple days. He has clothes at Eddie’s house, but not enough.

“It’s okay. I get it.” Buck kisses him, enjoying the easy way Eddie opens up to him until they’re interrupted by childish giggles.

“And it’s bedtime for you!” Eddie says with a laugh.

“I want Buck to tuck me in!”

Buck seriously underestimated how much a wingman Chris would be. He glances at Eddie for permission and Eddie just smiles and nods. It’s not the first time Chris has demanded that Buck be the one to tuck him, but it feels more important now.

“Are you going to be here in the morning?” Chris asks after Buck’s pulled his blankets up to his chin.

“I’m not. I’m going to sleep at my apartment tonight. But that doesn’t mean I won’t come back. We’re just taking this slow, right?”

“Okay.” Chris’s pout is going to kill him, but if he wants to earn being Chris’s other dad, he’s going to have to learn some resistance.

“Take care of your dad for me, okay?” Buck says and Chris nods. Buck kisses Chris’s forehead before standing up so Eddie can do the same.

“I need to walk you to the door or I’m not going to let you leave,” Eddie says after they’ve walked far enough away from Chris’s room. Buck feels like he should make a joke, but their shift is going to be a long twenty-four hours of not being able to touch Eddie as much as he wants. Buck pulls Eddie to the door, kisses him until he can’t breathe and then goes back for one more.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Buck tells him before slipping out the door.

***

 **Buck:** Can we do breakfast tomorrow?  
**Maddie:** : You’re going to wake up early on a day that you have work to have breakfast with me?  
**Buck:** Yes. I will even make you breakfast if you come over.  
**Maddie:** : With that offer, I’m there.

***

Buck still isn’t anywhere as talented as Bobby, but he’s learning. It helps that breakfast is still the easiest thing for him and Maddie has low standards. She’s just surprised that he no longer burns water.

“So, what’s so important that you needed me here in the morning?” Maddie asks.

Buck can’t hold back the smile the that completely takes over his face just thinking about Eddie and Christopher.

“Oh my god. You finally got with Eddie!” Maddie says before Buck can get the words out.

“Yeah,” Buck says, laughing and ducking his head as she jumps up to hug him.

“When did this happen?”

“Christmas. After you guys all left,” Buck tells her. “It’s so amazing Maddie. I love them so much.”

“So, Eddie’s not so straight?” Maddie asks with the smile even though the answer is obvious. It’s fair, he’s whined to her about Eddie’s straightness so many times.

“He’s definitely not,” Buck says with a smirk.

“Oh gross,” Maddie hits him and then hugs him again. “but I’m happy for you. You know I love Eddie.”

“You should know that we agreed it’s at least half your job to keep us from impulsively eloping.”

“If Eddie thinks he can run off and marry you without my permission, he’s going to have to hide behind Christopher.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote about 10k on this fic over the last two days and I don't appear to be stopping. It still remains mostly fluff.


	4. Chapter 4

They haven’t talked about telling the rest of the team. Buck knows Bobby will let them do it on their terms and Buck figures it will just happen. Buck gets to the firehouse first and Bobby smiles at him, but he doesn’t say anything while Buck changes.

Eddie’s the last of their crew to arrive because he always tries to take Chris to school himself if he can. Buck can’t help smiling as soon as they make eye contact.

Hen whistles and laughs.

“Everyone pay up!” Hen says and then points at Eddie. “And _you_ owe me a thank you. It was the mistletoe, wasn’t it?”

“Wait. How do you even know anything is different?” Chim asks.

“Oh, come on,” Hen says. “Look at them look at each other!”

Buck laughs and Eddie just shakes his head and walks past them so that he can change for his shift.

“ _Thank you_ for the mistletoe,” Buck says to Hen and she cheers before collecting money from way more people than Buck thinks is fair.

“Bobby? Really?” Buck says when Bobby takes half of the money from Hen after it’s all over.

“Oh, this was his idea first. He said, ‘Buck doesn’t fight something so much if it’s not making him feel so much that he’s uncomfortable.’”

“I feel so betrayed,” Buck says, but he can’t pretend to be anything but happy when Eddie comes back. Seriously. His boyfriend is gorgeous. Buck is so lucky to have Eddie look at him like that.

“Okay. Enough of this,” Bobby calls over them. “Buck, you’re helping me with lunch. Everyone else has something else that they can be doing. Get to work. Eddie, you know better than to come in my kitchen.”

***

It’s a long twenty-four hours. Buck would think that people would save their disasters for New Years Eve, but they have stupid call after stupid call. Buck has never thought that he was particularly intelligent, but he’s not going to gift Christopher a weapon for Christmas. Not that the adults that they have to help are any better. Two grown men should not have to call the 911 because they were fighting over a scooter. By the last hour of their shift, they’re all just desperate for sleep. Buck almost regrets being open about their relationship because if they weren’t together, he’d be able to doze with his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Now it feels like maybe that would be unprofessional.

“Come home with me?” Eddie asks when they’re finally back in street clothes. It’s a relief. Buck knows that he’s welcome. He wasn’t lying when he told Maddie that he wasn’t a guest at Eddie’s house. And if the shift had been hard in a way that wasn’t just exhausting, he’d still invite himself over without thinking. But now he has to consider everything they’ve said about taking their time and being careful with managing Christopher’s expectations.

Buck follows Eddie home and all the way to his bed. Eddie insists on being the little spoon. Buck presses a kiss between his shoulder blades and nuzzles the back of his neck.

“You know Christopher is going to climb on us if we’re still here when Pepa drops him off, right?” Eddie asks. “I can never tell him not to after being gone from him for so long. I miss him, too, and I know in few years he’s not going to be like this anymore.”

“You know he always wakes me up first when I’m on the couch and then I pretend to be asleep because he says you told him not to?”

Eddie laughs so Buck knows he’s not really mad when he says, “You’re not supposed to help him break my rules.”

“How can I tell him not to be excited to see me? I’m about five years from him telling me that I’m not really his dad.”

Eddie takes his hand and pulls him closer.

“We’ll start taking videos of him asking you to be his dad now so that we can bring them back up and remind him that it was his idea.”

“Maddie says you can’t marry me without her permission,” Buck tells him.

“I’ll get Christopher to ask her. Is she really going to look at that face and tell him that you can’t be his daddy?”

Buck laughs and snuggles closer. It’s ridiculous. He should be scared. They shouldn’t be talking about this like it’s an inevitability, but he’s already one Christopher’s emergency contacts at school. He’s listed as being approved to pick Christopher up if Eddie can’t. If Eddie wants to assume that everything is going to work out, then Buck is going to let him.

***

Buck wakes to Christopher telling Eddie about his day at with his aunt and his cousins. Buck thinks he must be missing a few steps in his story about the science kit they tried out, but he takes note of Christopher’s excitement for Christopher’s birthday. Christopher interrupts his own story about a game one of his cousins made up to call out, “Bucky’s awake!”

Eddie lets out a breath. When Buck opens his eyes, he has to laugh as Eddie tries to help Christopher get to Buck without getting kneed in the chest. Buck sits up so he can help lift Christopher up and set him back down between them.

“You told Dad that I usually wake you up,” Christopher says after he’s settled.

“He wasn’t mad,” Buck tells him.

“He says I can’t ask you to keep secrets from him if you’re going to be my new dad.”

“He’s right, but he’ll probably agree that we can make exceptions if it’s for a surprise.”

Buck follows Christopher’s gaze to Eddie’s face. Eddie’s smile is soft and fond.

“I think that’s okay,” Eddie says. “But Buck should know how bad you are at holding in surprises.”

Eddie tickles Christopher for a few seconds before whispering in Christopher’s ear. Buck knows exactly what’s coming when they both turn to look at him, but he still acts surprised when Chris’s little fingers dig into his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not realize that this was such a tiny chapter until just now because I post 2 chapters at a time on the other site. But I will try to get two chapters up there tonight and that will help get this updated faster.
> 
> Also, yes, I watched Eddie Begins and yes it will be worked into this fic. How could I not??


	5. Chapter 5

It’s over a week before Buck finally gets Eddie in bed while they have privacy. He loves Christopher but he’s still excited for Christopher to be back at school so they can be as loud as they want. It’s ridiculous that they’ve been together for over a week and they’ve been restricted to handjobs and blowjobs.

It’s ten in the morning when Eddie comes back from taking Christopher to school and attacks Buck in the kitchen.

“Really?” Buck asks with a smirk while Eddie kisses down his neck. “No romance?”

“Are you being serious?” Eddie asks.

“What if I say yes?” Buck’s breath catches as Eddie starts to suck on the base of his neck. Eddie kisses back up his neck to his ear before he answers.

“Then I’ll stop and jump through whatever hoops you want. But I’m also going to remind you that Chris will be home at five and we have to work tomorrow,” Eddie says. “And I really want to see how loud you get when I fuck you.”

“We’ve had lots of time to be romantic already,” Buck answers before yanking Eddie’s shirt over his head and throwing it aside.

“Yeah. I promise to take you on a date eventually.”

Buck laughs as Eddie pushes him back toward the bedroom while stripping him of his clothes. They’ve talked about doing this. Eddie’s fingered him while having Buck’s cock in his mouth. He wants it, but he’s never pushed because while he’s accepted that dating someone with a kid means trying to be quiet, he wants to be able to not think about anything else the first time Eddie fucks him.

Eddie sucks him off while he gets Buck ready. It’s hot and dirty and Buck moans and arches his back when Eddie finds his prostate and presses down.

“You’re so hot like this,” Eddie says when Buck demands another finger.

“I need you to fuck me. Come on. I’m fine.”

“Maybe I like working you up,” Eddie says.

Buck almost bitches at him and tells him to move on with it, but when he looks at Eddie’s face, he can see the nerves and hesitation that Eddie’s trying to hide.

“You’re the worst,” Buck tells him with a smile that turns into a moan as Eddie curls his fingers again. It feels like torture to have Eddie work him up to desperation until finally Eddie crawls up his body.

“Are you ready?”

Buck feels like the answer is obvious, but Eddie’s eyes are still unsure. Buck pulls him into a long kiss before answering.

“I’m good. I need you inside me. Come on, Eddie.”

Eddie slides into him slowly and Buck minds the caution less than he expected. He’s done this before, but it has been a while since he’s been with a man, and he always forgets that he needs a little time to get used to it again. But he’s still more than okay when Eddie asks.

“So good. Better if you start fucking me.”

Eddie laughs and seems to finally relax as he starts moving. It’s as good as everything is every time that they’re together. It’s intense without feeling like it’s too much. It’s comfortable without being boring. When Buck reaches between them to jack himself off, Eddie leans on one arm and takes over. Buck comes first but Eddie is close enough behind that Buck doesn’t have to stop him before it happens.

“Wow,” Eddie says as he pulls out and falls to the side. Buck laughs. He steals tissues to wipe himself clean while Eddie gets rid of the condom. Later, he’s going to have to worry about where he drops them, but they have hours to clean everything up before Chris comes home. For now, he snuggles under Eddie’s arm.

“Good?” Eddie asks.

Buck laughs without thinking about it until he sees the uncertainty on Eddie’s face.

“Eds. It was amazing. Was it not good for you?”

“It was,” Eddie says. He’s blushing a little when he looks down at Buck. “I hadn’t done that before. With a guy I mean. I mean, I haven’t done _that_ with a woman either.”

“Eddie.”

“Don’t make a big deal. I’m not a virgin. I’ve done other stuff with guys. It was just in the army and then there was Shannon…”

Buck knew Eddie was with Shannon a long time. He just never bothered to think too much about what that meant about Eddie’s sexual history. But if Eddie doesn’t want him to make a big deal, then he won’t.

“It was amazing. I promise,” Buck tells him and pulls him down for a long kiss. “We should keep practicing as much as you want though.”

Eddie laughs and relaxes. Later, Buck’s going to ask how he feels about switching, but that can wait.

***

Eddie ends up bringing it up two weeks later before Buck has a chance. Often, they don’t have enough energy after a shift to do more than crawl into bed together for a nap before Christopher comes home from school. But for once they were able to sleep through the night and their last call involved standing on top of the firetruck to pull a man out of the sky. Buck does this job to help people, but he doesn’t hate the high that comes from rescues like that and it’s better when he’s working next to Eddie.

They tumble into Eddie’s house and pull at each other’s clothes. Buck silently promises himself that they are going to find everything later and not have Carla find one of their shirts tossed over the couch again.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Eddie asks as they cross the threshold to the bedroom.

“You want me to?” Buck pulls back to ask. He hasn’t even figured out how to approach the subject and suddenly they’re way ahead of how he was planning to start.

“Yeah.” Eddie kisses him again and only breaks away for a few seconds as he climbs on the bed and pulls Buck after him. He’s obviously trying to keep things moving, but Buck pulls back anyway.

“Hey. I’m not making a big deal about it, but have you done this before?”

Eddie looks down and away from him, but he mumbles out a _no_.

“Ok. Still not making a big deal, but just tell me if you want to stop, okay?”

Eddie nods and Buck kisses the embarrassment from his face.

“I um…showered well at the end of our shift,” Eddie says while Buck is kissing down his neck. It’s something they’ve talked about only because Buck wanted Eddie to feel comfortable with everything they’ve been doing, and he knew that Eddie wouldn’t bring it up. Buck’s not so old that he’s forgotten all the things he worried about when he first started hooking up with guys. Now, he’s just thrilled for the revelation that this isn’t something Eddie decided he wanted at the spur of the moment.

“Good to know. I want to try something. If you’re uncomfortable, we can skip it.”

Buck waits for Eddie’s nod before gently directing him onto his stomach. He hasn’t even kissed half-way down Eddie’s back before Eddie thrusts against the mattress and gasps out, “Oh god, Buck.”

Buck grins against his skin and keeps going. If Eddie’s figured out where he’s going and hasn’t pulled away, then he wants it.

Buck strokes over Eddie’s hole with his finger first because he feels like he should give Eddie some kind of warning. Eddie sucks in a breath and pushes back toward him. That’s enough of an invitation for Buck to go in with his tongue.

Rimming isn’t something Buck’s done a lot because it’s not something he _wants_ to do for just anyone. He did it for the first guy he dated the summer after high school because he wanted to check off all the boxes and for Allie because she was into it. But Buck wants Eddie to relax and enjoy this. Even if he wants to pretend that this isn’t a big deal, Buck knows that it might end up feeling like one. Virginity might not be worth anything in reality, and Eddie’s very obviously not a virgin, but letting someone into your body isn’t a small thing. Buck has no idea how much Eddie has experimented himself and he feels like asking will just make Eddie feel more awkward about it, so instead, Buck’s going to assume that he’s starting with very little experience.

Eddie pushes back into him and then apologizes in between breathes. Buck laughs against him.

“It’s fine. You can help if you want. I can handle it,” Buck says before giving Eddie what he was asking for and working his tongue inside. Buck takes his time. He pulls back and licks around the rim, uses his lips and tongue until it becomes obvious that Eddie wants more than just his tongue. By the time Buck pushes a lubed finger into him, Eddie pushes back onto it, fucking himself as Buck is working the digit in and out. When he adds a second finger, Eddie slows down, and Buck talks him through relaxing until Buck is able to curl his fingers inside and brush against his prostate.

Eddie curses in Spanish and Buck gives him a few seconds to recover before doing it again. And again after adding a third finger.

“More. Fuck. I do not tease you this much,” Eddie says eventually.

“You definitely have,” Buck says, but he pulls his fingers out pushes Eddie onto his back.

Buck replaces his fingers because he knows how much he hates feeling empty when they’re in the middle of things, but he has to kiss Eddie and check in.

“It’s going to feel like a lot more because it’s different. I’ll go slow, but tell me if you want to stop or slow down okay? I’m more than happy to get you off with my mouth.”

Eddie nods and he must be at least a little nervous because he doesn’t complain and tell Buck to stop worrying.

“Try to relax and if you can try to push back on me, it’ll help,” Buck tells him. “And breathe. Holding your breath doesn’t help.”

That gets the laugh Buck was hoping for as he starts to push.

“Fuck,” Eddie groans out, but he doesn’t look like he’s in pain and he doesn’t tell Buck to stop so Buck doesn’t.

“Relax. Breathe. Let me in,” Buck says against his lips until he’s close enough for a kiss. Buck pauses as they kiss, letting Eddie get used to him and eventually Eddie arches up and pulls him closer. Buck pulls away just enough to watch Eddie’s face as he slowly pulls out and then presses back in.

It’s different than sex has ever been with a guy. It’s even different than sex has been with Eddie. It’s slow and deep and careful even as Eddie pushes against him and arches his back for more. Buck kisses down his neck and over his eyes when Eddie squeezes them shut. Buck feels kind of selfish for focusing on his own orgasm when Eddie starts trying harder to push his cock against Buck’s stomach, but he doesn’t want Eddie to feel like he has to let Buck keep going if he’s too sensitive after he comes. Buck slides his hand between them while he’s still inside and Eddie comes in his fist quickly.

Buck pulls out slowly and cleans both of them up before wrapping Eddie in his arms.

“Don’t tell me that wasn’t a big deal, okay?” Buck says, kissing Eddie’s forehead. “I know you’re okay, but I’m going to be kind of offended if you say that wasn’t intense. I worked hard for you.”

Eddie chuckles and snuggles closer.

“Is it always that intense? It didn’t seem like that much for you.”

“It’s not always that intense, but there’s always a few times that it is,” Buck says after some thought. “The first time, I think it’s because we’re not used to letting someone in like that. It gets more comfortable after you’re used to it, but there are always times I’m caught off guard by how much it is.”

Eddie nods.

“We need to set an alarm,” Eddie says. “With lots of time to spare before Chris gets home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I want to get these out quickly, I really wanted to see _Eddie Begins_ prior to posting this. I went back and forth with deciding how experienced Eddie would be, but the with Chris’s age and what we’ve seen, it does seem like he probably didn’t get a lot of chances. I’m going to try to get chapter 6 posted tomorrow because even though I probably will regret it later, I want to get this closer to the episodes as they’re airing. Also, chapter 6 is ridiculously long so I want it out of my editing life. lol
> 
> Also, I went back and changed Christopher’s age from 8 to 9 in a previous chapter. This show obviously plays pretty lose with the timeline but I did not expect them to age Christopher from 7 in episode 02x02 to 9 or 10 (the age kids are in 4th grade) in episode 03x15. I guess that makes it easier for me to later say they've been together a few months while still writing the episode in the way I want to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incorporating this episode (Fools) required a bit of re-writing obviously. Hopefully I wrote in a way that lets you figure out what I kept and what I didn’t.

Everything with Eddie is good for weeks. Buck spends less and less time in his own apartment. Everyone at the firehouse gets used to them dating and stops reacting when they come in to work together or sneak a little casual contact.

Buck is sure that they’re moving in the right direction until Eddie casually mentions that he switched shifts for parent-teacher conferences with no warning—without even telling Buck that parent-teacher conferences were coming.

Buck knows he’s not Christopher’s father, but they’ve been talking like it’s inevitable. Buck has taken over an entire section of Eddie’s closet. He knows how to get Chris out of bed and ready for school. But Eddie doesn’t even ask Buck to take care of Christopher while he’s working during their normal day off. He just has Pepa pick Christopher up from school and leaves Buck to spend his second of two days off alone until Maddie invites him over for poker.

“So, what’s wrong?” Maddie asks after Josh has gone home. Chimney has mysteriously disappeared further into the apartment. “Is everything okay with Eddie?”

“It’s stupid. Nothing is really wrong,” Buck says.

“Obviously, that’s not true. You’re in a mood. You changed the subject when we asked about him.”

“ _He_ doesn’t think anything is wrong.”

Maddie pulls him over to the couch and he spills everything just like he did when they were kids.

“He didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not married. It’s really only been a few months. Christopher isn’t mine,” Buck says even though it feels _wrong_ to say it.

“Buck. Everyone knows how much you love Christopher. Eddie should’ve talked to you about this.”

“He doesn’t have to.” That’s why he hasn’t brought it up. No matter what Buck wants, Christopher is Eddie’s son and giving Buck more responsibility for him is Eddie’s choice completely unless Buck is able to adopt him. And again, that’s up to Eddie.

“He doesn’t have to,” Maddie agrees. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to him. Maybe he doesn’t know you’re ready for more responsibility. Maybe he just didn’t think. Or maybe he’s not really ready. But you should still talk to him about it. You don’t know why he did any of this until you ask him.”

***

But the next day, Buck is at work while Eddie is at parent-teacher conferences with Carla. And the next morning, when Buck gets to the house after his shift, Eddie’s not home. Buck doesn’t have any messages from him to explain why, so Buck goes back to his own apartment. He curls up in bed and tells himself that he’s not going to check his phone or even ask Eddie why he wasn’t home like he said he’d be.

But he can’t turn his phone off because even if Eddie doesn’t think of him as Christopher’s other dad, he’s still one of Christopher’s emergency contacts. So, he hears the text when Eddie finally texts him.

 **Eddie:** Hey. Did you come home? I just got home with Christopher.  
**Buck:** Christopher’s not at school?  
**Eddie:** He got on some kid’s skateboard and fell off so I brought him home.

Buck answers while he’s getting up and going to his car.

 **Buck:** He’s hurt?  
**Eddie:** Just scrapes and bruises. He’ll be okay.

Buck doesn’t answer him because he doesn’t want to risk having Eddie tell him that he doesn’t need to come. He lets himself in and hears Carla in the kitchen.

“I told you that you had no business flirting with her. I didn’t say bite her head off to make up for it,” Carla’s saying.

Flirting? With who?

“She should have been watching them better,” Eddie’s saying as Buck comes in the kitchen.

Eddie freezes when their eyes meet, and Carla turns around.

“Buck, it wasn’t anything,” Carla says when she looks at him.

“I came to see Christopher. I wanted to make sure he’s okay,” Buck says instead. “Can I?”

“He’s mad,” Eddie says.

“At me?” Buck asks.

Eddie shakes his head, so Buck starts to walk past him. Eddie grabs his arm as he walks past.

“Buck. There’s no one else. I didn’t do anything.” Eddie says.

Buck shakes him off.

“I came to check on Chris.”

Eddie lets him go. Buck takes a second to gather himself in front of Christopher’s door before he knocks. When Christopher doesn’t answer, he says, “It’s Buck.”

“You can come in.”

Christopher’s not as worse for wear as Buck worried. One of his elbows is bandaged and obviously Buck hates seeing him hurt, but he’s a kid. Kids fall off skateboards and get hurt. Though Christopher probably should never have been on a skateboard to begin with. Buck sits on the bed and Christopher cuddles against him immediately.

“Why did Dad tell me I could do anything when I can’t? He lied,” Christopher says.

Buck really isn’t in the mood to defend Eddie, but they promised each other that they wouldn’t let anything that went wrong with them hurt Christopher.

“I don’t know,” Buck tells him honestly because he hasn’t talked to Eddie about it at all.

Christopher just snuggles closer.

“You remember when I got hurt by the truck and I was really upset?” Buck asks. Christopher nods so he continues. “It was because Bobby didn’t think I could be a firefighter anymore. He thought I’d get hurt too easily, so he tried to stop me. I was really upset, and I took it out on everyone—including your dad.”

“But you still did it. You’re a firefighter,” Christopher says.

“Yeah,” Buck says with a smile. “I think when you love someone, you just never want to hurt them. And no one really knows exactly what you can do. Maybe you _can_ skateboard, but you’ll have to do it differently. Bobby didn’t want me to go back to work because he was afraid that I’d get hurt. Maybe your dad didn’t want to hurt you by telling you that you couldn’t skateboard the same way the other kids do.”

“He still lied,” Christopher says. Buck nods and kisses the top of his head.

Eddie leaves them alone. When it’s late, Buck helps Chris get ready for bed and tucks him in.

“You should let your dad come say goodnight,” Buck says because he’s mad at Eddie, but he still loves Eddie. And if Eddie was flirting with some woman and he doesn’t want Buck anymore, then Buck wants to prove he can still help with Christopher.

“I’m still mad at him,” Christopher says.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t want him to kiss you goodnight.”

Christopher nods.

Eddie’s sitting on the couch with a beer when Buck comes out.

“He’s still mad, but he’ll take a goodnight kiss.”

The relief on Eddie’s face is obvious.

“Thank you,” Eddie says, pausing in front of Buck. Buck just nods, so Eddie sighs.

“I know you’re mad, too. Are you going to be gone when I come back, or can we please talk?”

Buck sighs, but he says. “I’ll be here.”

Eddie’s not even gone a minute.

“We should talk outside. I’m not letting him hear us fight.” Buck heard his own parents fight enough to know that he’s never letting that happen to Christopher.

“We’re fighting?” Eddie looks so upset that part of Buck wants to cave, but he just turns and walks out the door.

Eddie follows him and closes the door lightly behind them.

“What you heard Carla say, it’s nothing. She thought I was flirting with one of Christopher’s teachers at parent-teacher conferences and she gave me shit about, but it was nothing.”

“ _Were_ you flirting?” Buck asks and then before Eddie can answer he adds, “Don’t lie to me. Tell me the truth.”

“Maybe a little,” Eddie admits. Buck takes a deep breath to try to dislodge the pain in his chest, but it does nothing.

“Is that why you didn’t want to me to go with you?” Buck asks.

“What? Buck, it was stupid and meaningless and a total accident. It was just like a reflex. When Carla pointed it out, I felt so stupid. And I swore to her that it meant nothing. I love you. Just you. I promise. I’m sorry that it happened, and I know it’s not okay, but it didn’t mean anything.”

“You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go. You didn’t tell me anything about how they went. You definitely didn’t tell me about this teacher you liked. And today. Christopher got hurt and you didn’t tell me until he was already home.”

“Buck. I’m not into her. I promise. It’s nothing. And also, I chewed her out over Christopher getting hurt—probably a more than I should have—so you really have nothing to worry about.” Eddie reaches for him, but Buck dodges out of his grasp.

“Oh, I should feel better because you were an asshole and fucked it up?”

“Buck.”

“I need some time. Maybe you need some time to decide if you’re as into this as you said you were,” Buck says. “I’m going home. I told Christopher that I’d come see him tomorrow if that’s okay with you. I can pick him up.”

“Of course, it’s okay,” Eddie says, “But I don’t need time. I’m in this with you. I promise.”

Buck turns to leave, but Eddie grabs his arm to stop him. Buck stops, but he doesn’t turn back to look at him.

“I know you’re mad and you need some time, but please just tell me that you didn’t just break up with me.”

Eddie’s voice is shaky, and Buck _didn’t_ break up with him. But he’s still hurt and mad, so he says, “I _didn’t_ break up with you. If you do anything with this woman because we’re fighting, you’re cheating.”

“Buck, I would never. I swear.”

Buck gives him a tiny nod before he pulls away and gets in his car to leave.

***

 **Buck:** Can you please come over?  
**Maddie:** Are you okay?  
**Buck:** I had a fight with Eddie.  
**Maddie:** On my way.

***

Maddie brings ice cream and lets him cry all over her while he rehashes everything.

“Buck, you know Eddie loves you. Whoever this woman is, it’s nothing. Have you seriously never once engaged in a little harmless flirting while you were with Eddie, or even with Abby or Allie? And if she’s Christopher’s teacher, then she probably knows all about you. He loves you so much and talks about you all the time.”

“He didn’t call me when Christopher got hurt,” Buck says. That’s the part that hurts more than whatever stupid flirting happened.

“Okay. But it sounds like he completely overreacted about that and Christopher’s okay.”

“That’s not the point. If he was scared and overreacting and thought Chris was really hurt, then he should have called me! Or maybe he didn’t have to, but I want him to feel like he should. I know Christopher’s not mine, but—” Buck stops and wipes his face.

“You have to talk to Eddie about this,” Maddie says.

“What if he says he’s sorry but he’s not ready to think of sharing Christopher with me like that? What if he thinks I shouldn’t be asking yet?” They said they’d take time. Buck thought he was fine with that until Eddie made it obvious what Buck’s place is.

“He’s not just going to say that.”

***

Buck picks Christopher up for lunch and takes him back to his apartment so that he can be responsible and cook something healthy. He doesn’t want to just be the fun guy who gives Chris ice cream anymore even if it’s Saturday.

“Are you going to break up with my dad?” Christopher asks instead of eating his lunch.

“What? Buddy, he didn’t say that did he?” Buck doesn’t want to think Eddie would say that, but he didn’t think Eddie would flirt with Chris’s teacher either. Christopher shakes his head.

“He said he made some mistakes and you’re upset with him like I am, but you still love each other like we do.”

Buck would’ve liked a little more of a heads up, but he also didn’t answer any of Eddie’s texts except to say what time he was picking up Christopher and when he’d bring him back.

“I love your dad. I’m not going to break up with him as long as he doesn’t want me to,” Buck says because he doesn’t want to lie to Christopher and just promise that it won’t happen.

“He doesn’t want you to. He’s sad,” Christopher says with confidence. “But if you’re just mad like me, that’s okay.”

Buck is really glad when Christopher changes the subject.

Eddie comes outside when Buck brings Christopher home for dinner.

“I’m not ready to talk yet,” Buck says.

“Okay. Christopher might ask to call you before bed,” Eddie says.

“I’ll answer.”

***

Christopher calls from Eddie’s phone and Eddie doesn’t try to get Buck to talk to him too. Buck’s a little disappointed even though he knows that Eddie’s just trying to respect what Buck said he wanted.

Seeing Eddie at work the next day sucks. Chimney obviously knows something is wrong, which means that Hen also knows something is wrong. Then Buck isn’t perfect about not airing their business out in the middle of a call. When they get back to the firehouse, Bobby orders Buck to help in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” Buck says as soon as they’re alone. “I wasn’t professional.”

“I don’t think she knew you weren’t just harassing him about a girl as a friend, but it still shouldn’t have happened,” Bobby says.

“It won’t happen again,” Buck says.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Bobby asks. “ _Is_ there a girl? Because that didn’t make a lick of sense.”

“It’s stupid. He was flirting with one of Christopher’s teachers and I found out about it. He did go off on her anyway and ruin it.”

“Was there really anything to ruin?” Bobby asks. “Because we all knew something was wrong before you said that. You’re barely talking to him and he’s making sad puppy faces in your direction.”

“No. I’m mad about it, but no. Nothing really happened. Well, with her. That’s not what we really fought about.”

Bobby doesn’t ask for more details. Probably because he knows that Buck always wants to talk and will spill everything on his own.

“He didn’t talk to me about Christopher’s reports from his teachers. And when Christopher got hurt at school, he didn’t call me until he’d already picked Christopher up and taken him home.”

Bobby nods. “Considering it’s Sunday and no one’s panicking, I’m assuming Christopher’s okay?”

“Yeah. Just normal scrapes and bruises.”

“It’s hard to balance how much of a dad you get to be when you came in late,” Bobby says. “And for him, it’s probably hard to get used to not doing everything alone. Even when Shannon was here, they never got back to being even. You know that.”

“What if it’s not just because he’s not used it,” Buck says. He’s glad Bobby is making something they’ve made together enough that Buck knows how to help without thinking about what he’s doing. “I know I’m important. I know he trusts me with Christopher, but I don’t want to not have a say in anything that matters.”

“You want to be his other dad,” Bobby fills in. “You’re sure that you’re ready for that?”

“Is it crazy that I’d adopt Christopher tomorrow if I could even though I know Eddie and I aren’t ready to get married yet?” It feels crazy. Buck has always loved kids, but he never thought he’d fall in love with one so soon like this. But no matter what, he has to acknowledge that Chris isn’t actually his kid.

“It’s definitely complicated. But that’s not something you can help if that’s how it is,” Bobby starts to hand him vegetables for the salad, but he holds on to make Buck look at him. “But you have to talk to him. Snapping at him and making him feel awkward about it at work isn’t going to help. You practically implied that he cheated on you or at least tried to.”

“I know.” Buck does know that. The same way that he knows how much he’s hurting Eddie with his behavior. But he can’t help wanting to punish Eddie for hurting him first. “For the record, you’d be mad at him if he had cheated on me, right?” Buck asks. It’s stupid, but he still likes to pretend that Bobby’s his dad.

“I’d let Athena go after him, kid. I promise.”

***

Buck finds Eddie at his locker after their shift is over. Everyone clears out of the room so quickly that it’s obvious.

“Do you want to talk?” Buck asks Eddie when they’re getting ready to leave. It’s possible that Eddie’s mad about what he said in front of the team. But Eddie looks at him with the same sad eyes he’s been giving Buck every time Buck looks at him. He swallows before answering.

“If you’re ready. Abuela has Chris for a while longer.”

“We can go to your house.”

It’s obvious that everyone gives them space as they’re leaving, but Buck catches Bobby’s eye and Bobby gives him an encouraging nod.

When they get to Eddie’s house, neither of them seems to know what to say.

“Can I just start apologizing for everything?” Eddie asks eventually.

“Let’s start with the easy thing first,” Buck says. “This woman was really nothing?”

“That’s the easy thing?” Eddie asks.

“It is if it really meant nothing.” Buck realizes for the first time that he always assumed Eddie was telling the truth. If he’s actually interested in someone else, Buck isn’t at all ready to deal with it.

“It meant nothing. I swear. It was stupid. I still don’t think I’m really even into women,” Eddie says.

“You know that’s not why I was upset, right?” Because really. Buck is bisexual.

“I know,” Eddie says. “But I think that’s why I did it and didn’t notice. Sorry. That’s weird. Can I try to explain?”

Buck nods.

“I’m from Texas,” Eddie says. “I’m _supposed_ to like women. I’m supposed to flirt with them. I know that. I made myself good at it because I never thought that I could just be like this. And it’s so stupid, because it’s still second nature sometimes. But you, fuck, I liked you so much for so long and I didn’t know how to flirt with you at all for the longest time and even when Hen would tell me to try, I was so bad at it that she was that only person who caught on. Sorry. I’m not making sense. I’m making this worse,” Eddie looks down at the counter and sniffs. Buck gives into the urge to comfort him, reaching out to hold his hand.

“You’re not making it worse. I’m listening.”

“It’s just kind of a defense mechanism. It’s this act I got so good at that sometimes I just do it. I really didn’t even notice I was doing it until Carla called me out. And I didn’t tell you because it didn’t matter. I figured I’d talk to you about this whole issue when I figured it out more. I’m sorry. I’ll really work on it.”

Buck knows that they still have harder things to talk about, but this is something he never saw. His parents weren’t great, but his sexuality wasn’t a big issue either. He had gay friends. He dated a guy right after high school. Maddie never minded. It wasn’t _easy_ but it wasn’t like the pressure Eddie’s talking about. Buck pulls on the hand he’s holding and wraps Eddie up in his arms.

“It’s okay. That actually makes a lot of sense. I do think you should work on it, but for you and for all the women whose hopes you might get up. I trust you.”

Eddie clings to him and Buck lets him.

“You said that was the easy thing,” Eddie says with his head still resting on Buck’s chest. His arms tighten around Buck like maybe Buck is going push him away now.

“We do still need to talk about everything else, but we can take a break if you need it,” Buck tells him.

“What are the chances that you’re going to get mad and leave again?” Eddie asks.

“I’ll try not to.” Buck kisses the top of his head before gently pulling away.

“I don’t know where to start with everything else,” Eddie admits. “I’m not really sure when you started being mad.”

Eddie loves him. Buck has to remind himself of that. Eddie very obviously loves him and doesn’t want to lose him.

“It’s not all your fault,” Bucks says without looking at him. “We’ve just kind of been moving along and saying that eventually I’ll be more involved in parenting Christopher. And that was fine because nothing came up.”

“And then I just did his parent-teacher conferences without you and made it worse by not calling you as soon as I found out he was hurt,” Eddie says without looking at him.

“I know I was at work when they called you,” Buck says.

“I didn’t try. I should’ve tried. I would’ve wanted Carla to call me either way,” Eddie says. “I know how much you love him. I’m just not used to it. They reached Carla first because they have my regular schedule and the office didn’t factor in that I’d changed it because of the conferences. When Carla realized the mistake and called me, she didn’t even think I should come. I _did_ overreact. But that’s not why I didn’t call you. I didn’t think to call you because I haven’t thought to call anyone else in years. Even when Shannon was here.”

“I know that just because I want to be more involved, doesn’t mean you have to let me,” Buck says even though he doesn’t want to. It doesn’t seem fair that he does so much for Christopher and doesn’t get to claim anything, but that’s something he knew from the very beginning.

“I went off on Ms. Flores because I didn’t think she was paying enough attention to Christopher. I still kind of think the school should’ve noticed that a kid had a skateboard because they’re not allowed to have them at school.” Eddie pauses as though he realizes that he’s getting off-topic. “I didn’t get upset with you about the tsunami because I never _for one second_ doubted that you did every single thing you could. You were bleeding and still only cared about finding him. I know how much you love him. I _trust_ how much you love him. I’m just so used being in this alone. But I don’t know if you noticed, it’s kind of exhausting and I’ve been needing your help since right after we met. When I first moved here, I was a disaster and I didn’t know how to handle him on my own. And then you came along and maybe I was still making all the big decisions, but I wasn’t ever really doing this alone. You took care of that within a week.”

Buck smiles. It’s always been embarrassing how much he wants to be needed, but Eddie makes it not seem so bad.

“It might take some work. I’m not used to it, but I don’t actually want to keep trying to do this alone,” Eddie says. “I want to talk about involving you more if you’re ready.”

“I’m very ready.”

“I got that,” Eddie says with a smile. “I freaked out for two days that I’d somehow fucked up so bad that I was going to be navigating shared custody without ever even getting to marry you, but I never actually considered taking him away. You know that, right?”

“I know you wouldn’t take him away. I just wasn’t sure that meant I’d get any say in anything.”

Eddie’s phone lights up. Buck knows he only checks it for Christopher, so he waits.

“Christopher is still mad at me and doesn’t want to come home. I’m kind of reluctant to tell him we’re working on this because he’s going to ask to stay with his other dad.” It’s the first time Eddie has called him Chris’s other dad as though it’s a current thing and not something that’s happening in the future.

“Well, he’s out of luck because I’m staying here tonight,” Buck says as he steps toward Eddie again. This time he leans down for kiss that he’s sure they both need. He only pulls away from the kiss because holding each other still feels more important.

“If you try to leave, I’m just not letting you go. I don’t think I’m used to doing this without you at all anymore.” Eddie presses his face into Buck’s neck and breathes him in.

“Hey. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. I was hurt and scared, but I shouldn’t have cut you out like that for so long.” Buck kisses the top of his head and runs his fingers through Eddie’s hair, rocking back and forth a little when Eddie sniffs. “I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere.”

Eddie clings for another minute before taking a deep breath and relaxing in Buck’s arms.

“Do you want to explain to him that he needs to stop telling the other kids that tsunamis aren’t a big deal because you saved him? Because his science teacher says that’s an issue,” Eddie says without moving out of his arms. Buck laughs.

“Really? That’s what you’re giving me? That seems like an easy one.”

Eddie pulls back and Buck kisses him and wipes away the tear the slipped out before letting him go completely.

“Well, you already managed to talk to him while not throwing me under the bus even though you were mad at me. Plus, he still says I’m a liar so maybe it’ll work better if you talk to him. If you want to start helping with the parenting right now, I’ll take it. He’s going to be back soon, and I still don’t know how to fix it.”

Buck kisses him one more time before pushing him toward a stool and going to the refrigerator to get them beers.

“I’m pretty sure all kids call their parents liars at some point,” Buck says before sitting down at the counter.

“Yeah well, it feels a little different when you hear it coming out of your kid,” Eddie says without returning Buck’s smile.

“Just wait til he gets to the ‘I don’t have to do what you tell me’ phase,” Buck says and then takes his own drink because suddenly he realizes he’s also going to have to deal with that phase.

“Aren’t you still in that phase?” Eddie says, but he still doesn’t crack a smile even when Buck pretends to be offended.

“The thing is he’s right. I lied to him. Or maybe I lied to myself. Either way, I feel like a fool. I spent years trying to convince my kid to believe in the Easter Bunny. But now I gotta tell him none of it’s real,” Eddie says.

“Yeah, I think you might be overcorrecting here,” Buck says even though he personally thinks it would be better to never tell a kid about the Easter Bunny in the first place. But it’s a little late for that, so they’ll deal with that when it comes.

“I told him he’s no different than any other kid. But he is. He has CP. There’s a lot he can’t do.” Eddie shrugs and Buck thinks back to what he told Christopher.

“Have you ever heard of Jim Abbot?” He asks.

“Baseball player?”

“Pitched a no-hitter in the 90s which in itself is pretty crazy, but it’s even crazier if you know that Jim Abbott was only born with one hand. Yeah, really. I read his book when I was in the hospital.”

“Okay,” Eddies says obviously skeptical. “How’d he do it?”

“He practiced switching his glove to his throwing hand relentlessly so that he could field after he pitched,” Buck explains.

“I like the positivity,” Eddie says, “I’m just not sure how any amount of practice is gonna help Chris stay on a skateboard.”

“So maybe he skateboards differently. Or maybe he decides that skateboarding isn’t something he wants to worry so much about,” Buck says. “We help him learn how to figure out how to deal with that. But Eddie, he’s not stupid. He _knows._ If you told him that he’s just like other kids, then you just encouraged him to try. But he knows he has CP. He knows and he can deal with it. He’s the strongest person I know.”

They’re interrupted by the door opening and Christopher coming in. He hugs Buck but goes to his room without really looking at Eddie. Abuela sees Buck and smiles.

“Seems you’ve like you’ve gotten back in the good graces with part of your family at least,” Abuela says. She kisses Eddie on the cheek and then surprises Buck by doing the same to him. “I have to go, Pepa’s in the car waiting, but he’s a kid niño. He’ll move on. You know that. Let this one help.”

She pats Eddie’s cheek before leaving as quickly as she came.

“She loves you. I really wish I could tell myself fifteen years ago that she’d be like that,” Eddie says, but he gives Buck a small smile.

***

Christopher still insists on having Buck read his bedtime story and tuck him in.

“You’re not mad at my dad anymore,” Christopher says.

“No. We talked it out and we’re going to keep talking about things because that’s what you do when you love someone,” Buck says.

Christopher shrugs so Buck decides not to push too much. As much as Eddie’s hurting, it’s better to let Chris open up on his own time.

***

“Maybe you should get him up,” Eddie says when the alarm goes off in the morning.

“Or maybe you should,” Buck says. “You managed the last two days without me.”

“One of those days he got up just so you could pick him up.”

“I’ll get him ready if you want me to, but as much as I’m enjoying being his dad, maybe you should try to talk to him again.”

Eddie groans and hides his face in Buck’s neck.

“I know I’ve barely done this with a partner, but doesn’t it mean you do everything when he’s mad at me?”

“I know I’m new at this, but that’s definitely not how it works.” Buck presses a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “At least try. Come get me if you need back up and I’ll be here.”

Eddie lifts up so he can look Buck in the eye and smiles.

“Thanks. I’m really glad you’re here.”

Buck stays awake after Eddie gets up. He hears Eddie wake Christopher up and then call a few minutes later for him to eat. It’s long enough before Chris comes in that Buck isn’t surprised to see them both smiling.

“Chris wants a hug before school,” Eddie tells him. He lifts Christopher onto the bed for his hug and then tells him to go wait in the living room for a second.

“I really have to apologize to his teacher for being awful. Do you want to come?” Eddie asks, some of the insecurity from their fight still obvious.

“Can you handle not flirting with her on your own? Because I’m tired, and I’m sure Chris talks about me enough for her to know she doesn’t have a real chance.” Buck asks. He looks Eddie in the eye when he adds, " _And_ I trust you.” 

***

Buck gets up and eats breakfast, but he didn’t sleep well that last two days without Eddie and he missed Eddie’s bed because it feels like their bed, so he’s back in bed when Eddie gets back home. Eddie smiles and takes off his jeans before climbing back under the covers.

“Did you save Chris’s English grade?” Buck asks as he turns on his side and takes Eddie’s hand.

“I don’t think it was really in danger because Christopher is too sweet for anyone to hate him on my behalf, but I did apologize. And I mentioned my boyfriend so she knew I wasn’t available.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Buck says. “You know that’s never what I was really mad about, right?”

“I wanted to,” Eddie says. He looks down at their hands before adding, “And you seemed pretty mad.”

“I should’ve apologized more last night for that,” Buck says. “ _I_ overreacted. I was upset about feeling left out of things with Christopher, but I was scared that I wasn’t really allowed to be upset about it. So I focused on her because I could justify being mad about it. And I really shouldn’t have said anything at work. I’m sorry. You should’ve made me apologize for that last night.”

Eddie shrugs.

“Maybe. But making you feel like Christopher wasn’t yours was worse. And even if you overreacted, I was still the one who messed up. And maybe I want to feel justified later when you mess up. Because you’re such a flirt. It’s going to happen. You know that, right?”

Buck laughs and shoves Eddie.

“Right. I’m going to have to be careful about that.”

“Also, no one believed I cheated on you at all. Chimney said I was being stupid, and you were really mad about something else,” Eddie pauses and rolls his eyes. “I’m just now realizing that he probably knew that because he got it from Maddie but didn’t want to get involved. He’s not just smarter than me.”

“They’re so annoying,” Buck agrees. “And gross.”

Buck moves closer so he can rest his head on Eddie’s chest and close his eyes. He missed just having this contact. Eddie kisses his forehead and rubs over his back, so Buck figures it’s mutual.

“Should we talk to Bobby?” Eddie asks after a few seconds. “About Christopher?”

“Is it horrible that I want the answer to be yes, but I don’t want to do it?”

“Maybe, but I feel the same way. I hated working without you. I hated having you work without me. I feel better when I’m with you to make sure you’re safe. And I like having our days off together.”

Buck nods on his chest.

“If we both stayed at the 118 and I just switched shifts, Christopher would have a parent at home more often. If I transfer houses, we might be able to work the same days, just not together,” Eddie says.

Buck doesn’t want to be separated from Eddie at work, but he has to smile when Eddie says Christopher will have a parent at home.

“Should we talk to Christopher about it?” Buck asks. “Not that he should decide, but it might help us decide.”

“He’s going to jump ten steps ahead. You know that by now, right?”

Buck doesn’t answer right away.

“My lease is up in two months.” He was planning to wait another month before bringing it up, but now it’s out there.

“This is a hint, right? Because maybe it’s how much I hated having you gone, but if you want to move in tomorrow, I’m in. Once you move in, you realize that even if we fight, you can’t just leave, or Chris will get really upset?”

Buck laughs. “So, you want me to move in just so I have to sleep with you every night even if I’m mad at you?”

“I want you to move in with me for a lot of reasons. That’s just one of them.”

***

By the time they’re ready to pick up Christopher from school, they’ve decided to shelf the work issue. Buck moving in seems like enough of a step forward for now, even though that’s really just an excuse they’re telling themselves. Bobby will call them out eventually either way, so Buck doesn’t feel too bad about it. And Chris is excited to have both of them pick him up. They wait until he’s finished his homework before bringing it up. It’s mostly math, so Buck makes a plan for dinner and stays far away until he hears Eddie tell Chris to put everything back in his backpack.

“So, Buck and I talked about somethings while you were at school,” Eddie says, and Buck takes that as a cue to sit on the couch with them.

“Good things?” Chris asks.

“Good things,” Buck says because he doesn’t need Christopher to know about all his insecurities.

“Buck’s going to start moving his things in here over the next couple months,” Eddie says. “Unless you have a problem with him living here completely.”

Christopher has been pushing for them to move forward as fast as possible, so Buck knows he’ll react well, but there’s still a part of him that’s braced for rejection.

Of course, Christopher doesn’t disappoint him. He wraps his arms around Buck immediately.

“Do I still have to wait to call you my other dad?” Christopher asks without letting go. It’s not a new question. He asks some version of the same question every time he has any reason to sense a new development. But it’s the first time Buck has really hesitated. He looks at Eddie and Eddie smiles and nods.

“We’re not going to do anything official and legal yet,” Buck says. “But as far as we’re concerned, it’s okay.”

Christopher looks up at him as he pulls back from the hug. He obviously expected to hear the same answer that he’s been hearing for the first few months.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re stuck with me.” Buck says. Christopher hugs him again and this time Buck lifts Chris into his lap so he can hold him closer. He kisses the top of his son’s head and looks over him at Eddie.

“Thank you,” Buck mouths as Eddie moves closer and wraps his arms around both of them. Buck knows he’s crying but he doesn’t care about it until Christopher pulls back and asks him why.

“Sometimes people cry when they’re happy,” Buck explains. Eddie wipes away his tears so that Buck doesn’t have to let Christopher go.

“Are you getting married now?”

Buck laughs.

“Not yet,” Eddie says. “You’re ahead of me. I’m still working on it.”

“We’re _both_ still working on it,” Buck says.

***

Eddie has to pull Buck away from Christopher’s door at the end of the night. He leads Buck back to his bedroom— _their bedroom_ —and pushes him against the door after it’s closed behind them.

“You can check on him after he’s asleep if you want. He can tell when you’re watching him, and he’ll stay awake. If he doesn’t get any sleep, I’m definitely making it your job to get him up in the morning. You have to deal with him when he’s difficult now.”

“I’ve dealt with him when he’s difficult before,” Buck points out. Christopher is an amazing kid, but he’s not perfect and Buck’s spent enough time with him to know that.

“Yeah, well I try to make those times a few and far between as possible, but if you’re in that much of hurry to dive in, I’m not kidding about making it your problem.”

Buck laughs and shakes his head. Then he pushes off the door so he can back Eddie toward the bed.

“We _should_ wait until he’s asleep,” Eddie says. “He might make an excuse to want his new dad.”

Buck pushes him on the bed anyway, but he lies down next to Eddie instead of on top of him. He cups Eddie’s cheek and looks him in eye.

“Thank you.”

“It’s the right thing for him,” Eddie says. “You love him as much as I do, and he deserves to have that.”

Buck has to kiss him. Buck knows that Eddie understands how much Christopher means to him, but he still wishes that he could figure out how to say it in words. Instead, he puts everything he can into the kiss. It’s slow and long. When Buck pulls back Eddie’s smiling.

“You know I already made him a long time ago and we can’t make another one like this, right?” Eddie asks.

“Don’t be a dick,” Buck says, but he laughs.

“You know you don’t really have anything to thank me for,” Eddie says. “You know how many people are scared of even dating someone with a kid? The first thing you said when you saw his picture was that you love kids. You went with me when my Abuela broke her hip. You talked to Bobby when I didn’t have a babysitter. You introduced me to Carla. You started helping me with him before we were even friends. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Eddie.” Buck kisses him again. “You guys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me to.”

“He’s probably asleep now. Maybe if we try hard enough, we can make another one. It’s worth a shot.”

Buck laughs and rolls on top of him.

***

Buck wakes up in the middle of the night because he passed out with Eddie in his arms at nine and he’s too old to be going to bed that early on most nights. He slips out of bed and goes to the bathroom. On the way back, he can’t help stopping by Christopher’s room. He eases the door open and leans against the frame.

He hears Eddie coming before Eddie’s arms wrap around his waist. Eddie kisses his neck and whispers, “At what point is he too old for us to do this because it’s creepy? I want him to never be that age.”

“It’s probably right around the same age that he’ll tell me I’m not his real dad and he doesn’t have to do what we say anyway.”

Eddie buries his laughter in Buck’s neck.

“If you haven’t married me by then, I’m making you get your own place so I can send him there when he’s like that.”

“Rude. If _you_ haven’t married me by then, I’m going to cry at Athena until she threatens you with her gun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being from Texas and Mexican really influenced how I wrote Eddie and his experience with men. And after watching Eddie Begins and seeing his family more, yeah.


	7. Chapter 7

Buck has two months to move into Eddie’s house, but it’s not like he’s been spending a lot of time at his own apartment. When they first got together, Buck slept at home the night before he had a shift. Then he started to skip half of those nights. Then he started bringing over changes of clothes and never taking the clothes he left to be washed back home. Now, moving just means that he brings over two duffle bags of things each time he goes home until the only things left in his apartment are duplicates of things Eddie already has.

“My bed is better,” Buck argues when they wake up on their second day off in a row. He needs to go home and check his mail, but he can do that after Christopher is ready for school. Right now, they have a few minutes before they have to start getting him ready. Eddie says he’ll always have moments where it hits him how much he loves Christopher and how lucky he is to be a dad, but also, Eddie’s going to enjoy letting Buck do all the extra work as long as both he and Christopher are excited about it.

“Your bed is not that much better,” Eddie says, but he’s looking at Buck with the soft smile that tells Buck that he’s going to win this argument. They’ve had this argument every day for a week, but Buck suspects Eddie just likes having the reminder that they’re moving in together as much as he does.

“You’ve slept in my bed twice. This has never been an equal effort relationship when it comes to where we sleep,” Buck points out. “ _Christopher_ has slept in my bed more times than you have because once upon a time, I used to watch him at my own apartment.”

“If your plan is to ask Christopher and let him vote, you know that’s unfair. He’s going to side with you on everything until something comes up where you have to tell him _no_.” Eddie kisses him after he says it, so Buck doesn’t worry that it’s bothering him.

“Tell me you didn’t buy this bed on Amazon because it was cheaper than moving a mattress from Texas, and we can keep your bed. Maybe.”

Eddie laughs and pushes Buck onto his back so that he can climb on top of him.

“It had four and a half stars.”

“I have a real bed that Maddie helped me pick out from a store. We’re getting rid of your bed.”

“You like my bed.”

“Because it has you in it.”

***

Buck fully intends to start packing so that when Eddie comes over after dropping Christopher off, they can continue negotiating what things are moving to Eddie’s apartment. Buck doesn’t have a lot of things so it’s really just an excuse to get Eddie in his bed while Christopher is at school, but that’s always going to be one of his favorite day-off activities.

But he’s calling Eddie from the back of Athena’s police car before Eddie before any of that can happen.

“Where are you?” Eddie asks after Buck explains that something is wrong Maddie and dispatch. “I’ll meet you.”

“In the back of Athena’s police car. She made me promise not to tell you to come before she let me call you.”

“Please tell me you didn’t actually get arrested,” Eddie says.

“I didn’t, but she’s right. I’ll keep you updated, but it’s probably better if you don’t get involved. And at least this way I know you’re handling everything with Christopher.”

Buck feels a little guilty about going through their I love yous with Chimney listening, but not enough to hold back from saying it. He’s not surprised when Eddie asks to be put on speaker.

“Athena, promise me you won’t let him do something stupid. I need him to come home tonight,” Eddie says.

“I’ll do everything I can, but you know who we’re talking about.”

Buck objects, but he still tells Eddie loves him again before he hangs up the phone.

Buck texts Eddie all morning and afternoon. Some of it’s stupid and unrelated, but it keeps him from completely freaking out. In the end, he calls Eddie while he’s giving Maddie some time with Chimney. Eddie’s safe and so is Christopher, so he stays with Maddie and doesn’t get home to Eddie and Christopher until after dinner.

Christopher hugs him as soon as he comes in the door.

“Dad said you might want extra hugs because you were worried about Aunt Maddie all day.” That’s another thing that’s changed. Christopher hasn’t settled on a new name for Buck at all, but he asked if he should start calling Maddie his aunt and Buck knew she’d love it. Eddie comes up and joins the hug as Buck says, “Yeah Buddy. This is exactly what I needed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only person who noticed that in episode 3x14 after what seems to have been a day off for our particular crew, Buck comes home at 8am fully dressed and having just checked his mail? Where did you sleep, Buck?? (To be honest, I highly suspect they pay exactly zero attention to these things, but it’s fun for me.)
> 
> What is it with this fic and having really uneven chapter lengths? This is super short, but Chapter 8 is so long because it's the Eddie Begins chapter. I'm going to give it another read and then post it more quickly than normal because this one is so short. (It may still take a day to get it up because it's so long.)


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you jealous?” Eddie asks when they’re on the truck after leaving Christopher and Carla at the station.

“Why? His first idea was to just bring me for show and tell. To bring you, he had to dig your medal out your closet.”

“War stories are probably more appropriate than any story Buck would come up with,” Chimney says over the radio. 

“I have amazing stories,” Buck says, but later when they’re off the truck, he leans closer and tells Eddie, “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but he’s proud of you. We’re both proud of you.”

***

It happens so fast. One second Buck’s is relaxing because Chim says that Eddie’s okay, and a second later Eddie’s buried, and Buck isn’t even sure if he’s digging in the right place. Bobby grabs him and stops his pointless grabbling. He’s crying obviously and he doesn’t even care. The only thing he cares about is figuring out some way to get to Eddie.

“I have to get to him. I have to get him back.”

“Not like this. You know that. We need to regroup and make a plan.”

But no one has a plan. They say they’re not giving up and they’re going to find him, but he’s down there in a hole alone.

“Let _me_ dig. Let me try,” Buck asks Bobby after everyone disperses while they wait for some kind of thermal imagining equipment. Every stupid minute they wait for the equipment, Eddie’s running out of air.

“No. You don’t get to do that, Buck. You don’t get to throw yourself into this and risk yourself more than you have to.”

“Bobby—” Buck says but Bobby interrupts him.

“I’ve been letting you take your time. I haven’t said anything. But there’s a reason I sent Chim down after him instead of you. You know that. Christopher’s already lost one parent and while we aren’t giving up, we know he might lose another today. He’s not losing a third. That’s not an option. You’re a parent. You have to think of Christopher first no matter how much you want Eddie back.”

Buck knows that. He does. But he can’t think about it. He can’t even start to think that he’s not getting Eddie back. He doesn’t want to raise Christopher without Eddie. He doesn’t want to go home to Christopher and tell him that Eddie’s not with him.

“Bobby, I need him.”

“I know.” Bobby pulls out his phone and finds a picture of Buck with Christopher. “But Christopher needs you more. He needs you to think of him first. Eddie would want you to. You can help, but in the way that puts you in the least danger. In the way that way that guarantees that you go home to your son.”

“I need to talk to Chris,” Buck says.

“Buck, telling him before we know anything isn’t going to help. He’ll just be scared.”

“I know. I just need to see him.”

Buck cleans himself up, FaceTimes Carla, and she lets Chris have her phone without asking a lot of questions. She and Christopher are at least a little used to calls like this. They call home often enough to check on Christopher because being they’re not going to just be gone for 24 hours and let him feel like they don’t think about him throughout the day. Eddie’s always called him after any rescues that involve kids. Buck’s joined him for those calls, but he’s never called Christopher alone like this.

“Buck!” Christopher says when Carla hands him the phone. “I got an A on my science test.”

“That’s great buddy. I knew you could do it.”

“Is Dad there?” Christopher asks.

Buck hates lying even if he knows it’s better right now.

“No. He’s busy working on something without me. I missed him, so I decided to call you.” It’s true, technically. If it’s possible, Eddie will try to dig all the way back up so he can get to them.

“Okay. Jackson says I should call you Pop because that’s where her cousin calls her other dad. I’m not sure though. Is that better than just calling you Buck?”

Bobby’s hand slips into his and Buck squeezes hard as he tries to control his expression.

“Either one works just fine,” Buck tells him. “We know I’m your other dad either way, right?”

“Of course!”

“I need to go try help your dad, okay? He’s taking too long,” Buck says even though he doesn’t want to cut off the connection.

“You just want to see him!” Christopher says and giggles the way he does when he catches them kissing.

“Yeah, buddy. I just want to see him. I love you and I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“I love you too!”

Buck drops his phone and lets his head fall into his hands. He feels Bobby’s hand on his shoulder as someone comes up behind them.

“Everything should be here soon,” Chimney says. “We’re ready to start looking.”

Buck stands up. It’s been too long. He knows that. But Hayden was down longer. If there’s any air, Eddie might be fine. They just have to find him.

But that doesn’t make it easy to stand outside and listen to the plan to find Eddie forty or more feet underground with thermal imaging. When he first hears Eddie’s voice it’s so wrecked that he doesn’t recognize it immediately. Then the crowd parts and Buck is calling to him and running to catch him. He’s not fast enough, but he helps Bobby and Hen pick him up off the ground. He’s so happy, that he can’t stop smiling as they carry Eddie to the ambulance. Buck helps strip him of the outer layers of gear before they get him in the bus and wrapped up in a warming blanket. Buck somehow compartmentalizes everything until they’re moving and they’ve hit the point where there’s nothing for him to do but hold Eddie’s hand while Hen and Chimney work.

“I’m so fucking pissed at you,” Buck tells him as he smooths down Eddie’s wet hair and uses a towel to clean off as much of Eddie’s face as he can without getting in Hen’s way.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, his voice rough and weak before Hen tells him to shut up and keep the oxygen mask on.

“If you’d just let me pull you up the first time, we could’ve sent you right back down to get him faster than it took to get Chim suited up. You would’ve both gotten out in time. But you had to be stupid and reckless and cut your line. I’m supposed to be the stupid and reckless one, dammit.” Buck knows he’s crying but he really doesn’t care.

Eddie tries to push away the oxygen mask to answer him, but Hen swats his hand away and holds it on.

“You don’t want to get yelled at by your man, don’t scare us all to death like that again. He tried to dig you out with his bare hands,” Hen says.

Eddie’s eyes find his and Buck leans over to kiss his forehead.

“I wanted to go after you, and I had to wait and be responsible for Christopher while I didn’t know if you were alive. I love you so much and I’m so pissed at you,” Buck tells him as he helps wipe off some of the dirt and grime from Eddie’s neck and chest now that he’s warmed up.

They make Buck strip out of most of his gear before going into the hospital after Eddie, but Eddie’s not the worst emergency now that he’s safe and warm so it’s easy for Buck to find him again. His oxygen mask is gone, but he’s still wrapped up in the silver blanket they put around him.

“Maddie’s bringing us clothes,” Buck tells him.

“I’m okay,” Eddie says. “I’m so sorry I scared you, but I’m okay. I just want to go home and have a warm shower.”

“You’re not leaving this hospital until they tell you to and if you try, I’m telling Christopher.” He wraps his arm around Eddie’s shoulders and Eddie sighs as he rests against Buck’s chest. His hair is still matted with mud, so Buck must really love him.

“All I thought about was getting home to both of you. I was going to fight to get home as long as it took,” Eddie says against his chest.

“I know.” Buck holds him tighter as he adds. “You knew I wouldn’t stop trying to get you out, right?”

“Yeah. I just figured I should help you if I could.”

***

Maddie ends up getting there just in time for Eddie to be released. They send him home with antibiotics and directions to rest because who knows what he swallowed and inhaled. Maddie drops them off at home. Christopher is asleep, but Carla gets up from the couch. They weren’t supposed to be home until the morning.

“I knew something was wrong when Buck called,” Carla says. “You’re such a mess that I’m not going to hug you. He must love you to be letting you lean on him like that.”

“He yelled at me in the ambulance,” Eddie tells her.

“You probably deserved it.”

“Yeah. I did,” Eddie says before Buck can.

“You can go home or stay if you want,” Buck says. “I want to get him cleaned up and in bed. If he tells you to come on Saturday, then tell him to stop being a dumbass. He’s not working Saturday.”

Carla laughs and waves them away as she packs up her stuff.

Buck ends up tossing Eddie’s socks and underwear directly in the trash. He’s grateful for the safety rails already being installed in their shower so Eddie has something to hold onto until Buck climbs in after him. Buck brings Chris’s stool into the shower and makes Eddie sit down with his back to the spray.

“How long are you going to be mad at me?” Eddie asks as Buck tilts his head back to start rinsing the mud out of his hair.

“Until I stop feeling scared. Then I’ll admit that I’m being a hypocrite.” Buck finds the shampoo. It’s going to take at least two times to get Eddie’s hair clean, but at least the process is relaxing for both of them. “Bobby had to order me not to try and go after you because at least one of us had to go home to Christopher. I had to call Christopher and pretend that everything was okay so I could look at his face and remember why I couldn’t just go after you the way I wanted to.”

Eddie leans forward to hug him. On a different day, it would go differently. Today he presses his face into Buck’s stomach and Buck rubs his back before gently pulling him off.

“I knew he’d be okay with you,” Eddie says before Buck can reach for the shampoo again. “but I promise I never even thought of giving up. I was going to fight to get back to you both. I promise.”

“I know.” Buck leans down to kiss him softly. “I always knew that. Now let me finish cleaning you up so you can get in bed. You know I’m not really mad at you. I just hate that I couldn’t help you. Let me take care of you now.”

Eddie nods. He lets Buck wash the day off his hair and his body and then he sits while Buck quickly showers and washes his own hair. They’re both quiet except for Buck’s simple directions until they can ease Christopher’s door open to check on him before going to bed.

“I’ll do it if I need to, but you still better not leave me to do this alone. Christopher hasn’t even decided what he wants to call me yet,” Buck tells him when Eddie is safely wrapped in his arms.

“I know. Same for you.”

***

Buck lets Eddie stay in bed while he goes to get Christopher ready for school.

“Buck? You’re not at work?” Christopher asks when Buck wakes him up. In all the exhaustion, Buck forgot that they’re not supposed to be off work for a few more hours. The rest of their crew is still at the firehouse with whoever Bobby called in early to replace them.

“Yeah,” Buck says as he comes in to sit on Christopher’s bed. “Your dad wore himself out rescuing someone, and they let me come home early to make sure he got some rest. He’s okay. He just needed to come home and rest.”

“Can I see him?” Chris asks.

“Of course.”

Christopher wants to be carried and picked up less and less, but he must know that Buck is downplaying the situation because he reaches up for Buck instead of trying to walk on his own.

“He got some cuts and bruises, but he’s okay,” Buck says to warn him. “And he swallowed some gross water in the storm, so they gave him pills to make sure that he doesn’t get sick. But he’ll be just fine to go to school for you tomorrow okay?”

Buck sets him on their bed and Christopher crawls to Eddie and pulls on him to wake him up.

“Dad?”

Eddie rolls toward him and immediately pulls Christopher into his arms. Buck can tell he’s trying to be subtle, but he also wants to hold Christopher longer than normal.

“Hey buddy.”

“You’re hurt,” Christopher says.

“I’m okay. They wouldn’t let me come home if I wasn’t okay,” Eddie tells him.

“Buck said he’s taking me to school so you can rest.” Christopher leans closer and says in a loud whisper. “Ask him to make you his special soup. It made me feel better when I was sick.”

***

Christopher’s quieter than normal on the drive to school. Buck’s not surprised. He’s old enough to know that they wouldn’t be sent home for no reason. So Buck isn’t surprised when Christopher says something about it while they’re waiting their turn in the drop-off lane.

“Is Dad really okay?”

“He is. I promise. He scared me a little, but I promise if I thought he wasn’t going to be okay, I’d make him stay in the hospital with the doctors to watch him. He just needs to rest now.”

Christopher doesn’t answer him right away.

“Are you picking me up after school?” Christopher asks.

“I’ll be here,” Buck says. “And then we’ll go home and take care of him together, okay?”

That finally gets him a smile and a hug before he puts the car in park so he can help Christopher out of the car.

“I love you. I’ll take care of your dad, okay?” Buck tells him.

“I know. I love you.” Christopher says before turning to walk away from him.

***

Eddie’s on the couch with his laptop when Buck gets home.

“You’re supposed to be in bed,” Buck says. He’s not _really_ mad at Eddie, but he’s not above guilting him into taking better care of himself.

Eddie waves him over.

“I know. I promise to not do any real work, but I needed to figure some stuff out.”

“Right now?” Buck asks, but he comes over to the couch with his coffee and sits next to Eddie.

“I thought about a lot of things while I was trapped underground,” Eddie says. He looks up at Buck and the pain in his eyes is so obvious that Buck takes away the laptop so he can pull Eddie to him.

“I messed up with Christopher so much in the beginning. You have no idea.”

Buck knows enough not argue. He knows that Eddie left Shannon before Shannon left him. And as much as Buck wants to say that Eddie leaving for Afghanistan is more noble than Shannon leaving to take care of her mother, Buck knows it’s not fair. _Also_ , if Eddie reenlisted in the military without talking to him about it and just left him with Christopher, Buck’s not sure he’d be able to forgive him.

“You’re there for him now. He’s happy and he’s smart and you’re not going to leave him again.”

“I almost did,” Eddie says into his chest.

“You didn’t do that on purpose and you literally fought your way back to the surface for him.”

“After Shannon left, for the first year I was working three jobs and just leaving him with my parents every day. They didn’t want me to bring him here,” Eddie says. “They said he was used to being without me and they were the only stable home he had.”

Buck knows they also tried to get Eddie to go back with them to Texas after Shannon died. Buck was so scared just listening to Eddie rant about it.

“You did the best you could, Eddie. He knows how much you love him. I know I’m biased, but he’s happy here.”

“No. You don’t understand. They weren’t asking me to stay. They wanted me to leave him with them. They wanted to keep him. They said he was better off with them and he was already used to not having me around. They wanted to _take_ him from me.” Eddie chokes on his words.

“What the fuck? Eddie, he’s your kid. He loves you. He wants to be with you.” Buck has to fight to keep his voice even. He wants to rant and pace and yell at Eddie’s parents, but it’s more important to stay where he is and hold Eddie in his arms.

“I asked him if he missed me, and he said he missed me _all the time_.” Eddie sniffs, but he doesn’t start crying. Buck knows he shouldn’t be surprised that this is bringing up old issues. He’s been pinned under a firetruck. He lost Christopher in a tsunami. Once he realized Eddie wasn’t mad at him, he came up with excuses to be around Christopher until he freaked out again and fucked everything up with his lawsuit. He knew that Eddie was bound to have some problems once everything sunk in. Maybe if they really stick together, it won’t lead to any real disasters this time.

“Okay, but consider this, I miss you all the time and I work with you and I live with you,” Buck says and gets at least a short laugh. “Kids make big statements.”

“He barely saw me before we moved here.”

“Yeah? How soon after you moved here did you start work?” Buck asks.

“A week?”

“Well, I spent a whole day with both of you less than two weeks after that and it was obvious how much you loved each other and how hard you were trying. If you were totally out of his life before that and you should’ve left him with your parents, then he would’ve been a different kid. You were struggling and you needed help, but he belongs with you.”

Eddie clings to him while Buck tries to rub the tension out of his shoulders.

“When you got me help, you made it seem okay that I needed it.”

Bucks not sure how he’s ever going to play nice when he meets Eddie’s parents.

“Because it _was_ okay. It _is_ okay. Eddie, I needed so much help yesterday. I needed Bobby to stop me from being stupid. I needed Carla to know when I needed to talk to Christopher and to keep him safe for me while I worried about you. I needed Maddie to come to the hospital and get us home. It’s okay to need help.”

“We need to get married,” Eddie says with no warning.

“Okay. That’s a jump. That’s not at all the pace we’ve been talking about.” Buck can’t even begin to figure out how they got here. Obviously, he’s not just going to say no, but he thought they were on the same page. But Eddie’s clearly not in a good place at the moment so he doesn’t want to just reject him.

Eddie takes a deep breath before sitting up and pulling away from him.

“I know. That’s not my proposal. Eventually, when we’re really ready to get married, I’m going to propose in a better way. With a ring. Or two rings. I don’t know, I haven’t figured out the details at all.”

“I have no idea what’s going on right now,” Buck says because he really doesn’t get how Eddie’s jumping back and forth so quickly.

“Sorry. I’m not explaining this right.”

Buck resists pointing out that he’s not explaining it _at all_.

“I want us to get married eventually. For us. When we both really feel ready for it,” Eddie says and Buck nods. That’s what they’ve talked about since they got together. “But we agreed that where Christopher is involved, you’re his dad.”

Buck nods. They agreed that they didn’t need to do anything official yet. Buck trusts Eddie enough to not rush things.

“Buck, I swear I was going to keep trying to get back to you and I knew you weren’t going to let them stop looking for me, but we know what could’ve happened.” Eddie looks at him and Buck just nods again because he doesn’t want to say it any more than Eddie does.

“Buck, if something happens to me, my parents are going to want Christopher. I know them. They would try to fight you for him. I want to just wait and pretend we have time, but we have to make sure that he can be with you.”

Maybe it’s stupid, but the whole time he was panicking about losing Eddie, he was also panicking about raising Christopher alone. It never even occurred to him to think about losing them both because he doesn’t have any real rights.

“You can adopt him without us getting married, but it would be more expensive and complicated. I know it’s not ideal or romantic to just get married so you can adopt him, but I just think it makes the most sense. Of course, if you want to just try to do it the other way, we can do that. We can get a lawyer and try to figure that out.”

“No. I mean, yes. Sorry. I’m processing.” It’s ridiculous, but now he just wants to go get Christopher from school and get married right now so that they can start the process.

“Sorry. I know I’m just throwing all this at you,” Eddie says. “What are you freaking out about right now?”

“Losing him after losing you,” Buck admits. “I know I probably should’ve thought about it, but I just didn’t. I was worried about you and panicking about having to tell him that we lost you. I never considered that anyone would take him away. I don’t care about waiting for the right moment. We can do that later. Maddie will totally kill me if we don’t have a wedding. But that can be for us. This is for Christopher. If we need to get married so I can adopt him and make sure no one can take him away from me if something happens to you, then that’s what I want to do.”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying this because I made you panic?” Eddie asks.

“I mean, no offense, but I’d rather have to deal with divorcing you later than risk losing Christopher.”

Thankfully, Eddie laughs instead of getting upset.

“Offense not taken. I want to marry you, but I’m definitely telling myself that this is not our real wedding. But it seems like it will be less stressful for Christopher if something happens. I’m sure if they managed to take him away from you, he would’ve just screamed endlessly until they brought him home, but it would put him through a lot of stress.”

***

Buck knows that people will be upset if they find out that they weren’t invited. But he doesn’t know how to explain to the team that it’s not a real wedding to them. Inviting the whole team to the courthouse will make it seem like a real wedding and that’s not what they want. They want to get engaged when it feels right and tell everyone and celebrate then. If Buck is committing to anyone at this ceremony, it’s Christopher.

They worry about explaining it to Christopher all afternoon, but it turns out they underestimated how much he understands.

“You thought Dad wasn’t coming home last night,” Christopher says after they explain that they’re going to get married, but it’s really so that they can start the process of Buck adopting him. It’s not that they don’t want to marry each other, it’s just that Christopher’s a little ahead of that plan and the law doesn’t understand that easily.

“I’m really okay,” Eddie says. “But I got lost for a while. Buck wasn’t going to stop looking for me, I wasn’t going to stop trying to find him again. I’m okay, but we want to make sure everyone knows he can take care of you if I’m sick or if I’m at work and you get sick. It’s doesn’t mean anything is going to happen to me.”

“Okay.”

Christopher still looks scared so Eddie lifts him into his lap and holds him.

“I’m not leaving you without a fight, kid. I promise. You are my everything. Just thinking of you gives more strength to fight with than anything else, okay?”

Buck moves closer to them and runs his hand over Christopher’s hair.

“It’s true. We had this whole plan to look for him and I was going to keep looking no matter what anyone said, but your dad was impatient and got back to us first. I’m starting to get a complex about this Diaz habit of making me freak out and look for you and then you guys just show back up and don’t let me save you.”

“You still saved me Buck,” Christopher says. “I just did what you’d told me until I found you again.”

***

They need witnesses and Buck has to tell Maddie, so they agree on Maddie and Chimney. They can’t ask Maddie not to tell him, and of all their friends, Chimney will understand why they want to make sure Christopher will be with right person if something happens to Eddie. Buck expects to at least have to argue with Maddie for a little while, but she surprises him.

“Buck, I know you. And Chimney told me how close you came to losing him. You have to have a plan for Christopher. It makes sense. I think I’d be more worried if you were eloping for other reasons.”

They’re off work on Monday, so they keep Christopher home from school for the day.

“I can’t believe you’re not dressed up at all,” Maddie says when she meets them at the courthouse.

“We don’t want to. We want to leave as many things as we can for next time,” Buck reminds her.

“You realize you’re now promising her that you’ll have a wedding later,” Chimney says.

“I already don’t have a choice. Eddie’s grandmother loves me. We’ll have to have a wedding for her so it stays that way.”

Of course, no matter what they do to convince themselves that it’s not a real wedding, they _are_ actually getting married. It’s impossible to look at Eddie and say vows without feeling anything. Mostly it’s kind of terrifying. But there’s no one else that Buck trusts more to be there for him when he’s scared, so he squeezes Eddie’s hand and kisses him before leaning down to kiss Christopher on the cheek and make him laugh. Then they go home and help Christopher with the homework they picked up in the morning.

It’s not until they’re in bed that Eddie says, “You’re kind of freaking out too, right?”

Buck laughs.

“Oh, yeah. I might divorce you after the adoption goes through and then it’ll be real when we get married again later.”

Eddie laughs and says. “Yeah. I’m not having sex with you tonight because it will definitely be a _thing_.”

Buck pushes him over and they wrestle in bed until they hear a noise and realize they might wake Christopher up.

“We can have sex tomorrow night, though right?” Buck asks while they’re still catching their breaths.

“I don’t know. When we go to talk to Bobby tomorrow are you going to side with him that I have to go back home instead of working?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there will probably be a bit over a week before the next chapter. I really need to see how the finale turns out to be able to keep going. I don't anticipate it being a very long wait because I plan to work on it on Tuesday and Wednesday, but with posting to the other site first and also leaving enough time to edit it and step away and edit again, it'll be a few extra days no matter how fast I write.


	9. Chapter 9

“You know you’re not working today, right?” Bobby says as soon as they come into his office.

“He’s not working this week at all,” Buck says before Eddie can say anything. Bobby laughs as Eddie sighs.

“Will you at least tell him that he’s being a hypocrite?” Eddie says.

“We were not in the same situation last year,” Buck says. Now, he’d still be annoyed about taking time off, but he’d have Christopher to worry about. Of course, he can’t say that because Eddie will point out he did kind of loan out Chris.

“What matters is that I agree with him. And we need to figure out if you two are even allowed to work together anymore. I’m assuming you’re here because you know that,” Bobby says, turning to look at Buck as he adds. “You handled everything really well, and I know that. This isn’t because you did something wrong, but we both know that we had to make decisions based on keeping you safe.”

“Yeah. Also, we have to tell you that we got married,” Buck says. Judging from the way Eddie looks at him, he could have led up to it better. But he’s not sure it would have helped.

“You got married,” Bobby deadpans like he doesn’t know what he did to deserve dealing with them.

“Just so we can work out custody stuff with Christopher,” Buck explains. “We’ll get married for real later. We kind of want to keep it quiet, but we realized that we have to tell you.”

Bobby looks from him to Eddie.

“But you’re legally married?”

“Yeah. We went to the courthouse yesterday,” Buck says. Bobby doesn’t look mad yet, but it doesn’t look like it’s set in yet either.

“We’re going to have a wedding later,” Eddie says. “And get rings and everything and invite everyone.”

“Stop looking at Eddie like that,” Buck says. “We didn’t invite people because we didn’t _want_ it to feel like a real wedding.”

“I’ll let you take that up with Athena at dinner on Thursday.”

Buck takes Eddie’s hand and kisses his knuckles.

“Stop torturing Eddie. You guys eloped and it was real.”

Bobby just laughs and nods.

“For right now, we can plan to start Eddie on different shifts. Give him the overlapping shift on Reynolds’ squad or we can do that with both of you if you’re going to argue about who has to change squads,” Bobby says. “ _After_ Eddie is ready to come back to work. Which is not now.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Eddie says. “After you both get over it.”

***

Eddie stays at the station and hangs out until they get a call. He doesn’t complain about not going. That’s enough to tell Buck that he’s really not ready to go back.

 **Eddie:** I’m going to head home. Be careful.  
**Buck:** I’m always careful.

Buck knows as soon as Bobby checks his phone that he’s going to get teased.

“You know, you should tell Eddie that I’m not going to let him come back to work just because he’s annoying every time you’re at work,” Bobby says with a smirk.

“Maybe remind Eddie that he’s the idiot who cut his line,” Chimney says.

“I think our Buckaroo did plenty of that in the ambulance,” Hen says. “I don’t think Eddie’s going to be cutting any lines anytime soon. Not sure Buck is going to be any better though.”

***

 **Eddie:** Was it really necessary to tell Carla to come over to make dinner?  
**Buck:** Chris and I voted and you lost.  
**Eddie:** You know I fed him just fine without you before we got together.  
**Buck:** I will grant you that I’m sure you made sure he was fed. Was it good?  
**Eddie:** It was great...we had lots of really good take out.  
**Buck:** Maybe I wanted an excuse to check on you. You’ve texted Bobby all day. Let me have this.  
**Eddie:** Fine.

***

The annoying thing about coming home when Eddie’s not working is that Eddie’s not tired.

“Come to bed with me,” Buck says as he tries to push Eddie backwards to the bedroom.

“I’m not tired. I slept at night like a normal person because you wouldn’t let me go to work,” Eddie says but he doesn’t put up much of a fight as Buck backs him all the way from the dining room to his bedroom.

“Bobby wasn’t going to let you work anyway.”

“You didn’t help,” Eddie says. Buck feels zero guilt and that makes it a pointless argument.

“Just cuddle me until I fall asleep. I hate sleeping without you,” Buck says as he nuzzles Eddie’s neck. He knows he’s won as soon as Eddie sighs and kisses his temple.

“I’m getting up in half an hour whether you’re asleep or not,” Eddie says, but when Buck wakes up a couple hours later, Eddie’s playing on his phone with Buck still wrapped around him.

Buck snuggles closer and smiles as he wakes up. Eddie’s fingers brush over his cheek.

“Are you awake enough to remember if I talk to you about stuff that matters?” Eddie asks. Buck nods into his chest.

“I updated Chris’s paperwork at school so you’re listed as a stepparent this morning,” Eddie tells him, and Buck opens his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t really do anything because you were already listed as a phone call after me,” Eddie says, “But maybe they’ll respect you more when you’re there or something. Though it was probably not necessary because his English teacher says he’s already told everyone that you’ve adopting him. I think he might have written an essay about it. You should definitely check his backpack for it if he forgets to tell you. But don’t read without me. I want to take pictures of you crying.”

Buck swats his chest but he doesn’t deny it. He’ll definitely cry.

“Also, I might have told Chris that he could have a sleepover at the end of the year, and I’ve been putting it off all year. So technically, I did this before I had to consult you, but you’ve married into helping me.”

Buck laughs.

“You know I would’ve helped you anyway if you asked.”

“Yeah, but I would’ve felt kind of bad about it and probably just paid Carla to help me. Especially because now I’ve put it off so long that one of us is probably going to have to work before it to put it on a Friday that doesn’t conflict with anything else.”

“Right. In the future, you should tell me so I can tell Maddie, and she can make a detailed plan for scheduling it.”

Buck expects Eddie to laugh and agree, or point out that he’s really in this to be related to Maddie. Instead, Eddie shifts to that they’re lying down face to face.

“If I haven’t said it enough, I’m really glad I’m not doing this by myself anymore. Christopher and I are so, so lucky to have you.” Eddie reaches out to cup his cheek and strokes his thumb over Buck’s cheekbone. 

“Eddie.”

“I know you’re going to say you’re the lucky one, and you’re right because Christopher is the best kid. But you saw that right away and you jumped right in without any reservations. Honestly, if I was completely straight, I probably still would’ve married you for Christopher’s sake.”

“Are you trying to make me cry right now?” Buck asks.

“No. But I _am_ glad I’m not straight.”

Buck’s expecting the kiss when comes, but that doesn’t change the way Buck feels like his chest is going to burst from how in love he is as Eddie rolls on top of him.

***

Working different shifts on different squads isn’t a perfect system, but it lets them both stay with the 118. It also lets them overlap their shifts enough that they can still see each other and have time together with Christopher. Selfishly, Buck likes that it means they sometimes end up on the same calls if the situation calls for multiple squads.

“Don’t let it become a problem when you get to work together,” is all Bobby says when someone calls in and Eddie offers to stay. It’s hard to not be happy about it when Eddie gets so hot after watching Buck jump into a hot air balloon basket that he jumps Buck as soon as he gets home.

But that’s nothing compared to having Eddie there to hold his hand while they listen to Athena struggle over the open radio.

When they find her, Eddie is the extra medic because there isn’t enough room for him to help Hen and Chimney without getting in the way.

Eddie should probably be checking on the suspect, but Eddie doesn’t move even before Bobby says that he can wait. It’s unprofessional and possibly unethical and Buck selfishly loves him more for it. Someone else can help this guy. Also, Eddie needs to drive the firetruck back to the station because Hen, Chimney and Bobby are going to the hospital and Buck doesn’t think he can. Eddie’s already an hour over his shift when they check in with Reynolds, but the blackout means that no one’s going to try to stop him from staying.

“He needs a minute,” Buck hears Eddie say after he walks right past Reynolds and keeps going. He’s only on the roof for a few minutes before he hears someone behind him and then he’s being pulled into Eddie’s arms.

“She’s going to be okay,” Eddie says. “Can you finish your shift? I’ll stay with you.”

“If I say no, you already agreed to cover the rest of my shift, didn’t you?”

“Maybe. Reynolds likes me more than he likes you, anyway, so he doesn’t care. Also, he implied that if you stay, you’re my problem because he doesn’t want to deal with you when you’re already in a mood.”

Buck’s laugh is half a sob. He should be more bothered about it, but it’s true that he doesn’t listen to anyone as well as he listens to Bobby.

“I’ll stay. We need people and Hen and Chim are going to want to stay longer at the hospital.”

“Okay. I’ll call Carla. She knew I might be late after the blackout. Then I’m taking a nap while I can and so are you.”

“I want to talk to Chris with you. He’ll worry more if it’s just you on the call.” Buck’s sure that Eddie knows he just wants to see that Christopher is safe and happy, but he doesn’t say anything. He just wraps Buck in his arms and calls Carla on Facetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more part after this. I didn't plan to stop this after the finale, but I hit a stopping point and this fic doesn't seem to be very popular so I could write a sequel, but right now I'm not planning to.


	10. Chapter 10

Working with Eddie when they first get to the train derailment is an accident because Eddie stays close to him and Bobby doesn’t seem notice that he’s divided them wrong until they’re already fighting in the train car. Buck can see the realization on his face even before Buck makes it worse by bringing up Athena. By then, it’s too late to separate them because they have to worry about saving Sam and Georgia.

Eddie barely speaks to him after Bobby leaves the train car to try to push forward their efforts to stabilize it. Every word they exchange is only what’s necessary to get the job done, but Buck still notices that Eddie checks everything on his harness an extra time.

“Wait,” Eddie says just before Buck is about to climb out of the door at the top of the car. “I’m so angry at you because I love you. I love you so much. Don’t make me go home to Chris and tell him his dad is gone. I don’t care how you do it, but don’t die on me. Don’t you dare die on me.”

“We’re going to finish this fight later,” Buck tells him. “I love you. I promise you’re going to get to be mad at me later.”

Eddie doesn’t point out that he can’t make that promise. He just grabs Buck by the back of the neck and pulls him into a long kiss. When they separate, Buck looks back at him and waits until Eddie gives him a tiny nod before turning to climb outside.

Buck isn’t surprised that Eddie smiles back at him when they see each other as Buck passes him the basket. Eddie and Bobby didn’t listen to him just because Buck put up a fight, and they definitely didn’t care about Buck’s promise to Abby. They listened because neither of them wanted to sacrifice a person either.

Eddie pulls him back in the car as soon as Sam is safe and by the time they’ve climbed down and out, Sam is ready to be loaded into the ambulance.

“You okay?” Eddie asks after the ambulance doors close.

Buck can’t give him an answer. He loves Eddie. He doesn’t have regrets about being with Eddie instead of Abby. But there’s still something in him that feels like it’s been ripped back open. Eddie must realize that, or he would be going back to the fight instead of checking if he’s okay. But Buck can’t give him a real answer to the question, so Buck changes the subject back to work. They still have more people to save.

“Buck, you’re with me,” Bobby says when they get back to him. “Eddie, check in with Reynolds. I don’t want to see you two working together unless I approve it.”

***

Buck leaves the scene first. He’s the one that’s hours over his shift. He checks on Chris asleep in his bed, takes a shower, and then checks on Chris again before going to bed himself.

 **Buck:** I love you. Be careful.  
**Eddie:** I love you, too. I have to be careful. I’m still mad at you and I haven’t gotten to tell you about it.  
**Buck:** I know.

Buck wakes up after three hours to take Christopher to school and crawls right back in bed as soon as he gets home again. The next time he wakes up, the shower is running. He keeps his eyes closed when it shuts off, but he’s not surprised when Eddie says, “I know you’re awake. I’m too tired to fight with you right now so you can stop pretending.”

“I’m not just pretending. I’m only half awake. How mad are you feeling? Do I need to go sleep in Christopher’s bed?”

“Like you’re going to just agree to that when you’re already in bed,” Eddie says, but when he gets bed, he curls around Buck’s back, pulling him close and nuzzling Buck’s neck before he settles. Buck would take it as a sign that Eddie isn’t as mad as he claims, but he knows what it feels like to need to hold Eddie tight and remember that he’s alive no matter what else Buck’s feeling.

***

Buck is up before Eddie, but only by a couple hours. When Eddie comes out of the bedroom, Buck sits in on the couch while Eddie gets coffee. Eddie comes to sit next to him, but Buck just waits. For one thing, it’s never a good idea to have a serious talk to Eddie before he has coffee on _any_ day.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Eddie says eventually.

“Are you going to get mad if I start?” Buck asks.

“Are you going to say that even if you did it for Abby, you would’ve done the same thing without Abby because you can’t just choose to let someone die if there’s something you can try?”

“Yes?”

“Then you’re wasting your breath. Because I know that. I know _you_. And I know this isn’t the same as what I did in the well because you talked to us. We discussed options, and you gave Bobby a chance get them started on stabilizing the car. I know all that stuff. I didn’t want to let him die either, and we both would’ve let you talk us into doing the same thing even without Abby. You don’t need to tell me any of that because I _know_ that. I know you. What you didn’t seem to get was that I _hated it_. I _hated_ that I was the person Bobby had to ask to pick. Because I had the knowledge, I had to say who we let die if we had to pick. Do you think I wanted to answer that question? Do you think Bobby wanted to _ask_ me that question? Do you think I _wanted_ the answer to be what it was? Do you think I _wanted_ to make you break your promise?”

“I know,” Buck says as he takes Eddie’s hand in both of his. “I know you didn’t want to.”

“Then why did you just look at me like it was my fault? Like I wanted to make you break your promise to Abby?”

“Eddie, I never thought that. I’m so sorry if I made you think I did.”

“Buck, I needed you. I needed you to tell me it wasn’t my fault and you just cared about keeping your promise to Abby. _I_ needed you.”

Buck’s not sure that Eddie isn’t going to push him away when Buck tries to hold him, but he doesn’t. He collapses into Buck’s arms and lets out a dry sob that breaks Buck’s heart.

“I’m so sorry. I was wrapped up in myself and my shock over seeing Abby and the prospect of having to let someone, anyone, die that I didn’t check on you.”

“I know you really didn’t have time,” Eddie says. “We had to make a decision. But I just wanted _something_. If you just hadn’t looked at me like I was awful for just answering Bobby’s question.”

“I don’t think you’re awful. I never did. I promise. He asked you who had the better chance and you answered the question based on the facts. I know that. I’m sorry I made you think anything else. I was upset at the idea of picking between two people instead of trying to save them both, but never thought you were just heartlessly doing that. I love you. I know you wouldn’t do that.”

Eddie nods and stays in his arms. Buck knows the conversation isn’t over, but still feels like he needs to let Eddie lead it. When Eddie speaks again, it’s quiet like he doesn’t want to ask the question. “Do you still have feelings for Abby?”

Buck knew it was probably coming. He’s spent most of the time since Bobby separated them trying to figure out the answer.

“Not really. I just have feelings _about_ Abby.”

“What does that mean?” Eddie asks.

“Most importantly? It means I’m in love with you absolutely and completely and there isn’t even the tiniest part of me that wants to be back with Abby.”

Eddie nods and stays in his arms, so Buck continues. “But I still have feelings about what happened. You weren’t here. You’ve just heard what a mess I was before her. And now that I’ve had time away from it, I know things with Abby were never going to be forever. She was older. She never wanted young kids and I did. I do. I love Christopher and I’d be into adopting another eventually, maybe, if you’re into that? Wow, this is the worst time to bring that up. I am not doing this right. Please help me.”

To Buck’s relief, Eddie chuckles.

“Your timing is awful, but yeah, I’m into that. I think I could do a lot better in the beginning with some planning instead of getting married just because of an accidental pregnancy. Staying in the same country will probably help, too.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks.

“Yeah.” Eddie smiles and leans into it when Buck kisses him, but he pulls away before it can intensify and turns away to lay his head back on Buck’s chest. “But you still need to finish that thought if you want to pretend we’re trying to make more kids any time soon or ever again.”

“Right. I’m just saying. I should have known it wasn’t a forever thing. But I loved her, and it was my first real adult relationship. I wasn’t thinking of those things yet because I hadn’t met the coolest kid ever made so all those things were still problems for future Buck to worry about. But even knowing all that _now_ , I still don’t understand what happened _then_.

When she left, the plan was for her to come back. I said I’d wait for her. I stayed in her apartment. I waited, and I waited, and she never even broke up with me. I eventually just wrote her a letter that said something like, ‘I guess you’re not coming back so I’m moving out of your apartment,’ and then I mailed my keys to her brother. I never got an answer or an explanation. She was the first person I ever fell in love with, and she just ghosted me like it didn’t mean anything to her. I don’t have feelings _for_ her. Not like that. But don’t understand how we had this amazing relationship where we talked about everything and supported each other, and then she just ghosted me. I know you just want to think she’s awful because you only saw the last part, but she wasn’t awful. I wasn’t just delusional and making it up. I don’t think I was at least. But maybe I was because the two parts just don’t fit together.”

“Buck.” Eddie’s voice is soft as he slips out of Buck’s arms so that he can rearrange them so he’s holding Buck instead. “I don’t know. I know I wasn’t here. I know that I don’t know her, but I know what everyone else has said. I know what Carla’s said. It’s _possible_ that I’ve pried as much out of Carla as I could because I didn’t understand either—though that’s mostly because I don’t understand how anyone could leave you like that.”

“That’s good,” Buck says. “Also, I’m kind of selfishly happy that we’re married and now if you try to leave me, it’s going to be more difficult.”

“I was very close to telling Abby I was your husband yesterday,” Eddie says and Buck can hear the soft smile in his voice that relaxes the tension Buck didn’t realize he was still holding, “and I left you with Bobby when we were fighting in the train because I almost threw it in your face because I was mad and Bobby knows anyway.”

Buck laughs and then groans as he shifts on the couch so he’s more comfortable and sort of lying down in Eddie’s lap. “How much is everyone going to kill us if we just kind of accidentally shift into being married? We have to officially get engaged and have a wedding or your Abuela is going to never forgive me. I need Abuela to keep loving me.”

***

Three days after the train derailment, Abby calls him. Buck lets it go to voicemail. He feels bad about it, but even if they’re over their argument, Buck’s not sure how Eddie will react to anything that involves Abby. It already took going to May’s party as a family to really make it feel like they’re on the same page again. He’s doesn’t want to mess that up.

But he can’t just ignore the voicemail she leaves.

“Hi Buck. I know this call is coming much later than it should have. I’m going to be in LA for two more weeks and if you’re willing, I’d like to meet with you so we could talk about, well, everything. Let me know.”

Buck finds Bobby in his office and knocks on the doorframe.

“Advice?”

Bobby smiles and waves him in.

“Abby called and left me a voicemail. Is it bad if I wait until we’re both home to tell Eddie about it?”

“Do you think it’ll be a problem?” Bobby asks.

“I don’t know,” Buck admits. “We’re fine. We talked about what happened and we’re okay. But I’m not sure it won’t bring things up again, and I’d rather wait to talk about it when we won’t get interrupted by the alarm.”

“I have to admit that would be my professional preference,” Bobby says.

“So…if he’s upset that I didn’t tell him immediately, I can blame it on you?”

Bobby laughs. “Is that really necessary?”

“I don’t know,” Buck admits. “He knows I’m over her. I _am_ over her. But he might still be sensitive about it. Things got intense and…well, you were there. He’s going to be here in an hour and then I’m going to leave. If it doesn’t go well, he’s going to be thinking about it his whole shift.”

“If you want to wait, I’ll back you up that I advised you to wait until you were both at home. Do you need to call Abby back before then?”

“Bobby, I have to tell you that I feel absolutely zero guilt about making Abby wait a couple _days_ for Eddie.”

***

“Do you _want_ to talk to her?” It’s the first thing Eddie asks. Buck knew that it would be, so he’s had a full day to think about how he’s going to explain his answer.

“I don’t _need_ to, but yes, I want to. There’s things I want to ask her. Maybe it’s stupid. Maybe it won’t help me understand anything. But I don’t think it’ll make things worse because I wouldn’t want her back anyway.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Eddie is generally the less emotional one in their relationship, but Buck expected a much bigger reaction.

“I mean, I’m not going to tell you that you can’t. That’s going to make you feel like I’m controlling,” Eddie says. “I’m not going to like it. I don’t like it at all. But I’ll get over it. For one thing, she’s engaged, but we’re _married_ so even if she changed her mind thanks to your stupid heroics, she’s out of luck because I know exactly how to drag out a divorce as long as possible. I hope she’s ready to wait the four years I’d drag it out. And that’s _after_ the adoption goes through because I know you’d wait to make sure you had options for joint custody. I figure by then she’ll give up again and I won’t.”

Buck laughs and swings himself around so he’s sitting on Eddie’s lap on the couch.

“She’s out of luck because I’m not interested. I want to talk to her to ask her some questions. But that’s it. That’s all. It’s not about her. It’s about me.”

***

Buck means it when he says that he’s glad to see Abby happy. Eddie might still be angry at her. But Buck doesn’t have it in him anymore. He believes that she didn’t _want_ to hurt him. Maybe it’s better that it was so hard to break up with him that she just didn’t do it.

“I’m married,” Buck says after they’ve sat looking at the skyline for a minute.

“You’re _married_?” Abby turns to look at him and laughs.

“Yeah, and he had kid. So, I have a kid. We’re still waiting for the adoption to go through, but that’s just details.”

Buck pulls up one of the pictures of himself with Christopher that they took at May’s party and tilts his phone so she can look.

“Oh. He’s adorable. How old is he?”

“He’s nine. He’s the best kid.” Buck knows he’s biased, but that doesn’t make it less true.

“And _he_ looks familiar,” Abby says as Buck flips to a picture of Chris and Eddie together.

“Yeah.” Buck can’t help the soft smile that he feels take over his face.

***

Buck makes it to the school before Eddie and Christopher because he didn’t want to be late and miss seeing Chris off. He’s leaning against his jeep when they pull into the parking lot. Usually Buck would immediately go around to the passenger side of Eddie’s truck to help Christopher out, but it’s not like Christopher isn’t used to waiting for them, so Buck greets Eddie with a kiss instead.

“Hey. You okay?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah. I’m good. I’m great.”

Buck pulls him into another kiss that lasts until Christopher yells, “Dads, we’re at my school!”

They break apart laughing. Buck’s officially a dad embarrassing his kid in front of his friends. It’s amazing.

“Sorry, not sorry,” Buck says as he goes around to help Christopher out.

Christopher pulls folded piece of paper of his backpack before they can put it on him so he can get in line for the bus. It says “Dads” on the top flap.

“Open it after I’m gone,” Chris says before handing it to Eddie.

It’s only two weeks, but Buck still hugs him twice before he gives in and lets Christopher go. He’s glad all the other parents are staying to watch the bus drive away, because he’d probably do it even if no one else was.

“It’s only two weeks,” Eddie says as he wraps his arm around Buck’s shoulders and pulls him closer. It sounds like he’s saying it for himself as much as for Buck. Buck just wraps his arm around Eddie’s waist and holds on.

Eddie waits until the bus has pulled away to open the card.

_You are going to have a Great Time_  
Love,  
Christopher 

Buck ignores the way his eyes are watering and leans closer to kiss Eddie’s neck.

“You want to go home and start on that great time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I played a little bit with the timing of the party and other events but with the way the did the montage of the party, I decided it could have happened at any point. (Okay, I just wanted that scene with Bobby and that met I needed Buck to have already apologized to him.)
> 
> I didn’t originally plan for this fic to end here but then I just wrote it and it felt done. I haven’t decided if I’ll write a sequel or not. If I don’t write a sequel before the new season starts, it’s very likely I’ll do it then, but it’s going to be a long while before that happens. If I get an idea or there seems to be interest, I’ll continue it. But for now, I’m ending it here. But now I kind of want to have another Buddie fic in rotation so I need to think of ideas. (Feel free to toss prompts at me.)
> 
> Also:  
> Everyone to Eddie after finding out Maddie’s pregnant and witnessing Buck’s excitement: Are you prepared for the baby fever this is going to give Buck?  
> Eddie: So far we deal with it by trying really hard to defy biology and make one, so it’s fine.  
> Everyone: You know, we’re just going to pretend we didn’t hear that.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm just writing a lot now because I'm unemployed. So suddenly I'm just writing in the 9-1-1 fandom too.
> 
> If you want to read all my stuff not on Ao3 it is posted on a different site or (if you just want to follow me on tumblr so I have more 9-1-1 people), I'm not to allowed to link it here, but the link to that can be found on  
> my tumblr: @lostinanimage
> 
> I'm super new to this fandom, but I have over two weeks up being stuck in my apartment, so...


End file.
